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RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "parody"

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Uncle Si Cup Production Moved to SGF

Springfield, MO – The A&E hit show Duck Dynasty has touched the Ozarks in the form of a plastic cup facility, at the site of the former Solo Cup plant on North Glenstone Ave. Duck Dynasty is an American reality television series that portrays the lives of the Robertson family, who became wealthy from their […]

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Underground Beer Railroad Discovered

Springfield, MO – Excavators struck an underground room last week and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime, the original location of the underground beer railroad.  Though they are unsure of the original construction date, records indicate that it was used to distribute beer to Chicago during Prohibition. Near the end of the Roaring Twenties, […]

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Arms Race in Christian County

NIXA, MO – Nixa law enforcement has stepped up its game by acquiring a former military vehicle designed to resist mine explosions and ambushes.  The second Christian County law enforcement group to do so, said Ozark was their inspiration. “The vehicle can best be described as a massive hulk of a vehicle,” said Lt. Buff Nicholson, […]

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Turn Signal Fines Potential Revenue Source

Springfield, MO – Springfield officials have been observing developments in Colorado since marijuana was legalized there last year.  City Manager Colin Blink says that “the city has watched both Colorado’s decreased costs, now that it no longer has drug laws to enforce, and has watched even closer the revenue raised in Colorado by the taxation […]

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Swarm Removal Company Tables Beekeeping Bills

Springfield, MO – A swarm removal company was called to the Springfield City Council meeting on Monday night to remove and table two bills that would allow urban beekeeping. Council voted 7-2 for contacting Bee’s Knees Swarm Removal of Bolivar as they have specialized procedures and a great deal of expertise and skill removing unwanted […]

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Medical Mile Nurse Fight

Springfield, MO–The turf war simmering between Mercy and Cox hospitals is expected to boil this Friday night as a rumor has spread of a rumble between nurses from each hospital.  “Cox is gonna have its day tonight” was overheard in a Medical Mile alleyway with a resounding reply of “Fair fight, but, if they start […]

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Finding a Good Summer Day Care

Springfield, MO – Finding the right day care for your child takes about 10 minutes of time, a few well-placed questions to people who “know things”, and a little bit of acting. Here are the basics: Check out the facility. Don’t schedule an appointment, but show up dressed as a circus clown whose been drinking […]

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Cox Hospitals Pioneers Base Jumping Therapy for Constipation

Springfield, MO – Willis McWilliams successfully scared the crap out of himself, and everyone else over the weekend by climbing a large crane on the campus of Cox Hospital. Doctors were baffled by failed attempts to find a cure for McWilliams severely backed up bowels. “l haven’t had a good B.M. since Rock-N-Ribs. Musta been […]

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Person Dancing to “Happy” Angers Drivers

Springfield, MO – Several motorists driving south on Glenstone reportedly witnessed one horrifying act after another, as the driver of a sub-compact car sang and danced to Pharrell Williams hit song “Happy”. Reports included displays of awkward dance moves including a shoulder hunch, random rapid finger points and multiple waves at other drivers. “What was […]

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Hep-A Yourself Buffet Opens at Red Robin

Springfield, MO – Battling a recent pr nightmare of Hepatitis A exposure to over 5,000 people in the Springfield area, Red Robin has announced plans to open a free buffet in an effort to lure patrons back into the restaurant. The Hep-A Yourself Buffet grand opening will be May 22 from 11-6, and May 23 […]

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Big Momma’s to Merge with Big Whiskey’s, Forming Big Momma’s Whiskey

Springfield, MO – Citing an opportunity for synergy, local bar and restaurant owner, Raul Bundy has announced a new merger between local coffee shop, Big Momma’s, and his restaurant, Big Whiskey’s The new restaurant, called Big Momma’s Whiskey, will have what Bundy calls a nostalgic mom’s liquor cabinet feel to it. Mom’s have always liked […]

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First Cousin Marriage Still Not Allowed in Arkansas

EUREKA SPRINGS, Ark. – While gay couples in Arkansas are saying “I Do” in some counties, first cousins are petitioning a judge to strike down the state’s bans on first cousin marriages.  On Monday, however, the legal situation was up in the air as county clerks differed on the impact of the first cousin marriage […]

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Driver Refused to Diverge

Springfield, MO – Local driver Lars Timber lost his cool last week when he intentionally refused to swing left at an upcoming diverging diamond interchange on S. Kansas Expressway. The act of defiance could have cost him or others their life, but fortunately the deed took place around 2 am when traffic was low. “I […]

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Netflix Down to Four Subscribers, Yet 18,000 Users in Southwest Missouri

Springfield, MO – Netflix released their quarterly subscription numbers and the Southwest Missouri region is down to just four people actually paying for a subscription to the online movie streaming service. “It’s baffling,” says Netflix CEO, Reed Hatings. “We suspect the users might be sharing their passwords. We understand that is part of how it […]

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Guide Spews Lies During Local Tour

Springfield, MO – Recent complaints have poured into the Missouri Department of Tourism following a guided tour by Southern Tours that included several prominent Springfield landmarks and points of interest. Several complaints were directed at the tour guide, known only as Terry the Tour Guide. “I grew up in this area and I’ve never heard […]