RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "parody"

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Man Attempts Leaficide

Springfield, MO – Large trees are often considered beautiful especially during the fall when leaves change color in bright bursts of red, orange and yellow, however, one resident became overwhelmed by the falling foliage this weekend and was found in a leaf pile on the street after an attempted leaficdie outside his home. Neighbors said […]

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Dead Bodies Cremated via Fireworks Display

Springfield, MO – Starting this Saturday, Greenfawn Memorial Gardens will showcase its first ever fireworks display by strapping dead bodies to large pyrotechnics in order to cremate dead people with a big bang. These heavy-duty fireworks are manufactured to be attached to dead bodies by PM Pyrotechnics.  The inaugural display will be near Greenfawn Memorial […]

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Screaming Soccer Mom Orgasms On Sideline

Springfield, MO – Cries of “Yes, yes, yes!” & “Go! Go! Go!” as well as “Faster! Go! Yes!” were heard during a children’s soccer tournament this weekend at Lake Country Soccer Fields, confirming suspicions of several bystanders that the lady jumping around was in fact having an orgasm on the sidelines. “What the hell are […]

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Royals Win; Hell Drops to 60 Degrees

Springfield, MO – According to statisticians, the core temperature of hell has dropped significantly but not quite to freezing temperatures as the Kansas City Royals advance to the World Series, an event they haven’t participated in for over 29 years. “In honor of George Brett, I’m going to cover myself in pine tar and run […]

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RAIN! Your Questions Answered by the Missouri DOT

As fall comes to southwest Missouri, it brings with it a host of difficulties for drivers, chief among these is more frequent rain. We spoke with Gerald Nash of the Missouri Department of Transportation to get answers to some tough questions posed by Springfield area drivers. Q: When it’s raining, how much is the speed limit […]

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Reynolds to Retire; Voice Tony the Tiger Cartoon Mascot

Springfield, MO – After driving into the KY3 parking lot in 1967, Ned Reynolds has held a position with the company for nearly 50 years, but times change and he has announced his retirement to accepted a position with the Kellogg’s Company to voice Tony the Tiger, the advertising cartoon mascot for Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes […]

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Queen Moves In To Grand Palace

Branson, MO – British rock band, Queen is moving into the Grand Palace fulfilling both the need for a stadium rock group that appeals to a younger generation and a clever ploy to place rock royalty into a palatial venue. After years of sitting empty, the Grand Palace will feature the latest version of the […]

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Buffett Dealership Purchase Excites Parrotheads

Springfield, MO – Rumors are circulating that areas dealerships will soon be decorated with pirate and beach paraphernalia after a major purchase by Mr. Buffett. “I’m really excited that Jimmy Buffet is now an owner of dealers in the area,” said Nate Flegflop of Springfield, “I think a little island fun will increase sales of […]

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Venice of the Ozarks Briefly Revealed

Springfield, MO – Yesterday flood rains dissected the city of Springfield into a group of 118 small islands separated by canals and for a few moments Springfield existed as the Venice of the Ozarks, further verifying the city as one of the most important tourist destinations in the world. Before the deluge of rain, Springfield, […]

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Mobile Car Compactor Solves MSU Parking Problem

Springfield, MO – Missouri State University officials acknowledged campus parking has been causing extra challenges this fall, because of more students and new construction so they have implemented a plan to bring in a mobile car compactor to help alleviate parking congestion. “When I hear a complaint that says there is no where to park, […]

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Clif Smart to Twerk @ MSU Blackout

Springfield, MO – After crowd surfing at the newly renovated Plaster Stadium, Clif Smart has vowed to twerk during Saturday’s 6:00 pm Bears home opener vs. North Dakota if the new student section is packed out for Saturday night’s “Blackout”. Smart set the stage by crowd surfing earlier this week and claimed to raise the […]

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Ferguson Flash Mob Dance Cancelled

Ferguson, MO – Organizers of a charitable flash mob have cancelled plans for the event which was to be held this Saturday. The group was planning to assemble suddenly in a public place near downtown Ferguson to perform an interpretive dance to “Call Me Maybe” in order to bring attention to a nearby charity. “We […]

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Dinosaur’s Fate Debated by Scientists

Springfield, MO –Local scientists are hotly debating the recent disappearance of Dino, a green fiberglass dinosaur located on hole number six at Fun Acre Mini Golf. Originally installed in 1987, the dinosaur was a permanent fixture until last Wednesday when it vanished overnight. Researchers claim that a series of events could have caused the dinosaur […]

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Uncle Si Cup Production Moved to SGF

Springfield, MO – The A&E hit show Duck Dynasty has touched the Ozarks in the form of a plastic cup facility, at the site of the former Solo Cup plant on North Glenstone Ave. Duck Dynasty is an American reality television series that portrays the lives of the Robertson family, who became wealthy from their […]

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Underground Beer Railroad Discovered

Springfield, MO – Excavators struck an underground room last week and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime, the original location of the underground beer railroad.  Though they are unsure of the original construction date, records indicate that it was used to distribute beer to Chicago during Prohibition. Near the end of the Roaring Twenties, […]