All Entries in the "Crime" Category
Criminals Target Teens with Grandparent Scam
Springfield, MO—According to sources, scammers posing as elderly people are calling teens asking them to “bring ‘em their slippers”, “rub grandpa’s feet” and asking for permission to “pinch those cuuuuuuute cheeks” among other things such as money, medicine and fresh baked goods.
The ring of criminal activity targets teens asking them for favors. The callers are [...]
Fugitive Escapes, Trims Hedges
Branson, MO—Oscar Eugene Richardson, known in the Ozarks as Eugene Ward, was sentenced Monday to 366 days in jail stemming from his 1979 Florida prison escape. On Tuesday, he promptly escaped by walking away from the Taney County jail.
Norman Hankey, a jailer, said, “I don’t know how he does it. First in Florida; now here [...]
Citizens On Patrol: Purse Snatching
Springfield, MO—Incoming Police Chief Paul Williams is impressed that Springfield citizens are responding to his call of a “shared leadership concept”. Recently, a purse snatching episode turning into an arrest due to the heroic actions of a good Samaritan and an alert victim.
Williams plans to reinforce his citizens on patrol effort by bringing in two [...]
Rogue Trees Get Payback
Springfield, MO—During the month of April, local trees claimed to pay back Springfieldians with potential lifetime benefits, however, several trees on the Drury campus had another message for locals.
“This tree hasn’t done anything for us lately” and “This tree was kind of a dick to us in high school” messaging was found hanging on the [...]
Douchebag Sign Warns Residents Of Douchebaggery
Oak Grove Heights, MO—A blinking highway sign in eastern Greene County is catching the attention of drivers. It’s not about road conditions, but a warning that douchebags are on the rise in the area. The sign reads “Sheriff’s Douchebag Alert, Please lock your doors.” It’s sparking a lot of talk, and a lot of [...]
Diners Scramble at Scramblers
Springfield, MO—Scramblers diners were sent scrambling after a rogue driver plowed a gas meter and electrical box. The diners were hustled out of the establishment as a precautionary measure by a manager who shouted “Scramble! Scramble! Get Out!”
Scramblers at West Chestnut Expressway was packed at the time and several Customers weren’t immediately sure what to [...]
Lambert’s Roll Breaks Sound Barrier, Injures Thief
Ozark, MO—According to reports, the role thrower at Lambert’s Café at Hwy 14 and Hwy 65 threw a hot roll that surpassed the barrier of sound Thursday night. Customers eating their hog jowl, fried okra and liver were alarmed by the sound of a doughy ball of carbohydrates exploding past the sound barrier throughout the [...]
AT&T’s Customers To Pay Legal Fines, Fees
Springfield, MO—According to AT&T procedures, the excessivie fines incurred by the loss of $7.45 million to the City of Springfield for back taxes and attoryney’s fees will be paid for by customer fee hikes. “Alexander Grahm Bell always said we should tax our customers whenever we fail to live up to our business obligations,” said [...]
Branson Landing “Boom Sale” Promotion Backfires
Branson, MO—Yesterday, several Branson Landing vendors were dealt a cruel hand as they launched their newly themed “Boom Sale” to gain additional sales during the tourist off-season.
“If we’d known that there was going to be some douche bag placing bombs near ATMs we would have never proceeded with the promotion,” said Branson Landing management, “Fortunately, [...]
Counterfeit $22 Bills Passed Around Springfield
SPRINGFIELD, MO—The Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind continues to wreak havoc on the Ozarks local economy. Springfield police have confirmed multiple cases of counterfeit cash being passed in the Ozarks already in 2010. Detectives claim they’ve made several arrests but Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind is still at large.
According to police sketches, the Duece-Duece counterfeiter is a bald white [...]
Obese Triplets Rob Three Banks, Fool Police
Rolla, MO—In what was initially thought to be the same man robbing three banks, Missouri law enforcement have identified the “Truffle Shuffle Gang” as a dangerous group of fleshy felons. The endomorphic criminal element took police on, “a ride we’ll never forget,” according to Moberly City Policeman, Kevin Diggs. “We thought it was just one [...]
Local Tough Guy Holiday Poll
Springfield, MO – Well known watering hole-brawler Frank Esposito was reported polling people in The 13th Step Tavern on Christmas Eve, wondering if anyone, indeed, thought they were better than him.
The whole incident began over a misunderstanding earlier in the evening. It turns out that Mr. Esposito had a “regular” bar stool at The [...]
Greenskeeper Wanted on Drug Charges
Springfield, MO—Carl Spackler, former greenskeeper at Bushwood Country Club is wanted in Greene County on a charge of possession of a controlled substance. He also has a misdemeanor warrant.
Spackler, 44, is white, 6-foot-4, and 220 pounds, with brown hair and hazel eyes. Spackler may have short-cut hair, rather than the style shown in this photo. [...]
Christian County Assessor’s Bad Hair Convicted
Ozark, MO—Christian County Assessor, Sandra Bryant-Littles, has been convicted for not assessing her own crazy hair-do. Fashion police visited the perp after she was indicted by a federal grand jury for failing to report taxable property.
In a related case, her husband and farm hand are indicted for reporting a false claim of cattle theft. Christian [...]
Dancing, Singing Scam Artists Threaten Homeowners
Springfield, MO—Citizens are being warned of scam artists posing as chimney sweeps this fall. Homeowners should be particularly warey of groups of chimney sweeps who travel the country singing catchy tunes while performing choreographed dance routines.
Said one would-be victim Seth Goldrun, “I invited a man named Bert into my house who offered to sweep my [...]
