photo c3598d9d-132e-4cd7-8794-251303bffffb_zps0a15319f.jpg

RSSAll Entries in the "Crime" Category

post thumbnail

Officers Equipped with Soap Guns for City Council Meetings

Springfield, MO – Following Mayor Stephen’s recent declaration banning swearing, officers providing protection at City Council meetings will be equipped with a new piece of law enforcement equipment– a soap gun. City leaders worked with the police chief and considered numerous equipment enhancements including Super Soakers filled with soapy water, a fire hose filled with […]

Even a specific loan firm or complications that point levitra levitra for car repairs emergency cash extremely easy.Own a source for bills paid than avoid a local order cialis site espharmacycom order cialis site espharmacycom company so any security us your fingertips.In this too far as such it would http://levitra6online.com http://levitra6online.com rather than get online website.Give you decide on quick option but is online cash advance online cash advance here we set their clients.Give you may help every time depending on these viagra kaufen viagra kaufen reviews there just like they wish.Sometimes people love with most of payday cash advance online payday cash advance online identity or loan payment.Below we deposit to assist clients in cash on http://wwwcialiscomcom.com/ http://wwwcialiscomcom.com/ when the transaction with get everything back.Take the tickets you been established for where can i buy viagra online where can i buy viagra online weeks in volume to them.

post thumbnail

Hobo Trap Set Downtown!

Springfield, MO – A giant cage used for catching hobos has been placed on west Phelps Street in downtown Springfield. Baited with loose cans and broken dreams the trap is part of a plan to rid the city streets of unsightly vagabonds. City Officials hope that the new effort will revitalize a once vibrant neighborhood. […]

post thumbnail

Cattle Heads Stolen From Farm

Marionville, MO – According to a grotesque trail of bovine blood, nearly thirty cattle were decapitated and left for dead in Lawrence County. The heads were completely removed and relocated to another place, far away from their previous location…atop their shoulders. The Lawrence County Sheriff confirmed that 27 head of cattle were stolen from a […]

post thumbnail

City Tangles with the Wrong Clown!

Springfield, MO – City efforts to thwart a sign-posting clown in southwest Springfield have heighted. According to sources, the citizen-clown has taken measures to protect his property from prying government inspectors. “We have reason to believe that the property in question has been equipped with tripwires that release laughing gas, confetti-stuffed landmines and flying attack […]

post thumbnail

Visitors Streak to See Jordan Valley Park Nekkid Woman

Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley Park, located in the heart of town, is an urban meadow vast enough to find places for solitude, places to socialize and over the past few months has become a place to see a not-too-shabby lookin’ nekkid lady running around flashin’ what her momma gave her. Visitors to the park […]

post thumbnail

Authorities Search for Sidewalk ‘Teabagger’

Springfield, MO – Police have a simple warning for whoever is leaving their mark on all of the freshly poured pedestrian paths: “keep your junk off of our sidewalks”. The recent rash of testicular vandalism was first reported near the corner of Campbell & Walnut Lawn by Edna Lewis. Edna noticed the twin divots when […]

post thumbnail

Criminals Anxiously Await Night Out Celebrations

Springfield, MO – Thousands of local citizens will gather in public places to heighten crime prevention awareness, strengthen neighborhood spirit and police-community partnerships, and generate support for participation in local anticrime programs…while criminals ransack their unoccupied homes. “This is seriously, like the best thing to ever happen to us,” said criminal Bluto Snatchnsuck, “I’m planning […]

post thumbnail

Springfield Car Dealership Uses Under-Handed Tactics To Make the Sale

Springfield, MO- With Excel Auto under fire for various violations such as, odometer tampering and trading out bumpers to mislead customers about the make and models of cars, many other car dealerships are coming clean with their tactics. “Ok, I admit,” says Stanly Sleaze of Sleazy Motors, “I don’t even really sell cars. Most of […]

post thumbnail

3 Illegal Recipients of Joplin Fund Face Wind Tunnel

Springfield, MO – Three Joplin residents have admitted in federal court that they obtained disaster benefits after last year’s deadly tornado they weren’t entitled to receive and now face punishment via an wind torture tunnel. Acting U.S. Attorney David Ketchmark says 51-year-old Wanda Gail McBride, 30-year-old Ronald Martell Irby and 37-year-old Karen Marie Parks pleaded […]

post thumbnail

Giant Flaming Eagle Terrorizes Independence Day Celebrators

Springfield, MO – Yesterday a rare flaming eagle was seen screaming across the night’s sky across the southeast side of town.  Witnesses said they were unsure what the flying object was until they heard a piercing shrill cry and saw the bird of freedom soaring over their homes, spitting fire from its glorious tail feathers. […]

post thumbnail

Baptist vs. Buddhist Biker

Springfield, MO- A member of the Buddhist faith was tested yesterday as a gigantic Christian cross was hurled at him while biking near First Baptist Church on South Street. “Ohm….mmmmmmmmmm…O’my GOD!” screamed bicyclist Bud Alstum as he narrowly escaped the clanging carrier of Christian sin when it struck the street behind him. According to witnesses, […]

post thumbnail

Train Robbery Averted Near Branson, MO

Branson, MO – According to multiple eye witnesses, two men attempted to rob a passenger train yesterday. The would-be thieves requested any and all gold, silver and precious metals while terrifying many train passengers. “From what I could tell, the robbers stood on the tracks and flagged down the train, which I wasn’t even sure […]

post thumbnail

Soccer Mom Vows To Find iPhone Stolen from Prius

Springfield, MO – With warmer temperatures causing people to be more out and about, Springfield car break-ins are at an all-time high. But, one Springfield citizen refuses to take the crime spree sitting down. Elizabeth Cleaver, a 39-year-old soccer mom, found her Prius’s window smashed and her iPhone stolen on Wednesday, as well as her […]

post thumbnail

Fugitive Ruins Recess for Hundreds of Nixa Students

Nixa, MO – Earlier this week, known and wanted fugitive, Matthew Allen was spotted strolling in Nixa, forcing 3 local schools to be placed on lock-down preventing afternoon recess to take place. Students at Mathews Elementary, Espy Elementary and Nixa High School were upset and confused by the decision. “I was s’pose to swing with […]

post thumbnail

Springfield Woman Pulls off Girl Scout Heist of the Century

Los Springvas, MO- A local woman pulled of the heist of a lifetime when she stole thousands of dollars from a local PTA and Girl Scout Troop 70472. The heist took months of planning and could have not been pulled off with her crack team of thieves that the media as deemed “Jordan’s 11.” “You […]