All Entries Tagged With: "recreation"
Squirrels Express Themselves Via Pine Cones
Springfield, MO – Local squirrels busied themselves by creating a work of word art made from pine cones this past week – communicating an important message of “Booobz”. The pine cone script expressed several emotions by passerbys near the intersection of National and Bennett streets. “I was sitting inside Mexican Villa enjoying sweet sauce and [...]
Pink Pony, Purple Burrito Collide: Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito Formed
Springfield, MO – In a strange and unexplained coincidence the Pink Pony and Purple Burrito have merged forces to produce a Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito available this week to the Ozarks. The Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito is a hybrid. Part food, part food porn, the 215-pound edible monstrosity comes complete with a stripper jumping out of the [...]
Animal Suspension Featured at SGF Arts and Tattoo Festival
Springfield, MO – Continuing today at the Ozarks Empire Fairgrounds, the Springfield Arts and Tattoo Festival will feature several spectacles including live animal suspension demonstrations, open to the public. Parrots, guinea pigs, and cute widdle puppies will be jabbed with sharp hooks and hung 5-12 feet into the air for pure spiritual enlightenment rarely enjoyed [...]
Copper Coin City opens at Former Red Roof Mall
Branson, MO – During a special meeting, the Branson Board of Aldermen approved the ownership transfer of Factory Merchants mall to the city paving the way to lease the land for Copper Coin City – a new theme park set in the Middle ages complete with a feudal system, Crusades, chivalry and courtly love. The [...]
Catch & Kill Your Own Turkey at WOW!
Springfield, MO – Leaders of Wonders of Wildlife National Fish and Wildlife Museum, or WOWNFAWM, announced that kids 12 and under will be invited to the museum on Thursday to catch their own turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. A joint release on Tuesday stated Johnny Morris is donating $4 million to the Community Foundation [...]
Shooting Range Hosts Gangsta Day
Ash Grove, MO – The Andy Dalton shooting range is vying to attract more urban sportsman by holding its first annual “Gangsta Days”. Younger shooters are increasingly hard to come by and the “Gansta Days” event is targeted at the youth of the Ozarks. “Inner city kids relate to Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and [...]
Kum & Go To Add Slot Machine Gas Pumps
Springfield, MO- Due to the constantly varying gas prices, Kum & Go has decided to change all gas pumps to slot machine like apparatuses. Customers will put anywhere from one dollar to 25-dollars into the machines and pull the lever. Gas could be as low as 50-cents a gallon to 5-dollars depending on how [...]
Motocross Track Installed at Park Central Square
Springfield, MO – Dirt bike riders across the Ozarks are happy to learn about the newest addition to the square; a motocross track. According to insiders, a state-of-the-art jump is now completed and will welcome thrill seekers as they attempt to overcome numerous obstacles build within the square. “I’m thrilled that we have [...]
Local Target Announces New Promotion: “MILFs all day everyday!”
Springfield, MO – After analyzing a recent survey of their customer demographics, Target discovered what sets them apart from most other retail stores in the area. Their key shoppers are young attractive females, mostly young mothers. They then commissioned a follow-up study to determine what it is about Target that this group likes the [...]
Springfield’s Employed/Unemployed Use YouTube to Escape Grim Reality
Springfield, MO – Much like the 1930′s, when thousands of unemployed workers took to movie theaters to escape their grim reality of joblessness, thousands of laid off workers use YouTube as a means for modern escapism. Also, the gainfully employed use YouTube just as much to escape their own reality. In fact, according to [...]
Area Dogs Survive Another Armageddon
Springfield, MO- Area dogs are pleased to see they survived another Armageddon. The Armageddon (which always occurred in early July) is marked with horrible, thunderous banging sounds; bright lights exploding in the sky; black ash snakes appearing from flames; fire and sparks shooting from the ground; and smiling demons holding magic sticks of fire. [...]
Backwoods “Martha Stewart” Host Delightful Bar-B-Que
Springfield, MO- Billy Ray Grangerford hosted a delightful Bar-B-Que last night according to numerous party guests. Billy, known as the Martha Stewart of the backwoods, has hosted many events from the past such as: Ray’s “Road House” themed bachelor party, “Everywhich way But Loose” movie night complete with “monkey brain” made with food coloring [...]
Boyfriends Run In Terror As Tent Theatre Opens
Springfield, MO- All across Springfield many boyfriends are hiding in terror as MSU’s Tent Theatre prepares to premier their opening night. The boyfriends are in hiding because they know their girlfriends will mercilessly force them to see one of the three plays and would rather plunge themselves off a cliff than see garish musicals [...]
Silver Dollar City Creates Genuine 1800’s Roller Coaster
Springfield, MO- Silver Dollar city revealed it’s new roller coaster “Guiteau’s Bullet” to the crowd of park patrons yesterday. The roller coaster, which reaches speeds of 8 miles per hour, was created and operated by technology only around the 1880’s. “We decided to put our silver coins where our chops is. We always boast [...]
Alco-Haul Longs for Prohibition
Springfield, MO—Management of local beer and wine delivery service, Alco-Haul, recently stated that they wished that Prohibition would be reenacted to bring more excitement to their job. The team argues that if alcohol were outlawed, delivery of products would be much more fun as they would have to shake the fuzz while making the [...]
