All Entries in the "Food" Category
Mannish Hula Dancer Lures Unsuspecting Customers
Springfield, MO—For 24 years, a local frozen treat wagon has employed a hauntingly mannish hula dancer, with enchanting dance moves and gyrations, to lure passing drivers to stop and purchase “whips” to nosh upon after the distracted drivers wreck their vehicles.
According to lore, the dancing hula man-thing has distracted thousand of drivers to the point [...]
Staxx Owner Buys Jelly Beans, Red Hots, Peach O’s
Springfield, MO—According to sources, Meghan Chambers, owner of Staxx LLC downtown clothing store, has purchased several gummy confectioneries made of sugars, gelatin, corn syrup, and starch.
On Tuesday, an employee at the Candy House on South Campbell Avenue confirmed that she saw Chambers picking through an assorted bin of Jelly Belly beans, meticulously picking out the [...]
Local Woman Finds John Q. Image In French Toast
Springfield, MO – Mrs. Ginger Rinkenbaugh received quite a surprise yesterday morning when the unmistakable image of John Q. Hammons appeared on her second slice of French toast. It was not a sign that she takes lightly in the least.
“I had just told my husband, Mortimer, that I was at a loss as to [...]
Bijan’s Closing = Heartache, End to Pronunciation Debate
Springfield, MO—A Facebook post, tweet, e-mail news release, sky writing, and drunk-text from 417 Magazine confirmed late today that local eatery Bijan’s is closed for good. Local eater of food Shantal Johnson told us, through tears of shock, “I never actually ate there, but my boyfriend and I loved arguing over whether it was “Bee-Janns” [...]
Man Cheats Life with Disloyalty Card
Springfield, MO—Wednesday Tony Ugumba was provided with a “Disloyalty Card” at his local coffee shop; a card he used to excess. In a 6-hour period, Ugumba effectively destroyed his credit, marriage, and his friend’s trust, all in one afternoon.
According to witnesses, Ugumba lied on a loan application to gain access to over $25,000 in funds. [...]
Tindle Mills Demolition Smells Familiar
Springfield, MO—A local dog food factory’s destruction is releasing a nasty fragrance not experienced since the operation was producing smelly dog food. Tindle Mills was known regionally for emitting a foul sulfur odor while in production, a smell now revived by the buildings’ demise.
“Once we started tearing down that tower it released a gaseous stank [...]
Local Man Outraged Sushi House Won’t Prepare Cheeseburger
Springfield, MO – Ozark resident Jim Stancil left Nakato’s Japanese Steakhouse irate after the chef refused to prepare a cheeseburger for Stancil’s picky daughter. Stancil was planning a special anniversary dinner when co-worker Bill Timson suggested he take his wife to Nakato’s.
Stancil said, “Bill told me this place was romantic or some crap like that, [...]
Groundhog Day Celebrated via Rotisserie
Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades.
“Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under the [...]
Emoticons Break Harsh Reality of Fortune Cookie Messages
Ozark, MO—A local Chinese restaurant is using emoticons to break unfortunate fortune cookie messages to customers. Several diners at the River Dragon on Highway 14 in Ozark were introduced to the new after dinner traditional snack and had mixed emotions.
“’:) You make a bad day worse ’ was my awful message when I cracked [...]
Couple Sneaks Extra Breadsticks into Doggie Bag at Olive Garden
Springfield, MO—A discreet couple smoothly inserted three leftover breadsticks into their Styrofoam take home box Monday evening without raising suspicions among Olive Garden wait staff at Glenstone and Erie streets in the Queen City.
Doris and Henry Norton enjoyed a lavish feast of chicken scampi and chicken Alfredo respectively and just received their boxed leftovers when [...]
Sonic Releases “Meth Menu” In Missouri
Cape Girardeau, MO—Seeking to steal share from the QSR burger industry, a Sonic restaurant employee developed a stimulating and illegal menu of methamphetamine infused menu items. The new Meth Menu debut was halted by police who were called to the store in Missouri in the wee hours on Thursday morning.
The shift manager, 22-year-old Dennis Bratcher, [...]
Riverside Inn’s Ghost Steals, Returns Painting
Ozark, MO—Local haunt Howard Garrison played a final prank on the owners of the Riverside Inn this week by removing belongings from the restaurant. One painting, “View From the Ava Jail” was reported stolen on Sunday, then reappeared on Wednesday.
The art was created by Garrison while he was incarcerated in the Douglas County Jail after [...]
Show Us Your Teats: Milk Farm Busted
Conway, MO—Last week an undercover sting operation nabbed two crooked felonious outlaws hawking a controlled substance: raw milk. The milk maids nabbed in the months-long operation are charged with the reprehensible crime of selling “raw milk” to two undercover investigators on the parking lot of a Mama Jean’s natural food market.
Armand and Teddi Bechard of [...]
Cashew Turkey Unveiled For Thanksgiving
Springfield, MO—This Thanksgiving several restaurants in the Ozarks will feature a new holiday treat, cashew turkey. This offering consists of a simple Chinese-American dish that combines breaded deep-fried turkey, cashews, and a thick gravy sauce. Side options include a cranberry dipping sauce or mashed potatoes.
Several leading chefs, from bygone restaurants such as Leong’s Tea House, [...]
Black-Eyed Kids Eat Free at Incredible Pizza
Springfield, MO—America’s Incredible Pizza Company, located at 2850 S. Campbell Avenue, has announced that all Black-Eyed Kids eat free every Tuesday from 5-10 pm. A new Black-Eyed Kids buffet menu has been implemented and executives hope that the new promotion will provide a safe place for the BEK to find ample nourishment.
“The Missouri Ozarks has [...]
