All Entries Tagged With: "education"
MSU Roommate Relationship Reaches Boiling Point
Springfield, MO- Even though they have only been living together for just a few weeks, Larry Harshman and Kyle Founder’s relationship has reached a breaking point. The two MSU freshmen had high hopes for their living situations when coming into the fall semester. Bonding over such things as all-night Halo death matches, acting as [...]
College Students Inconvenienced By Classes
Springfield, MO- With college classes starting this week, many college students dread the fast pace rat race of academia. Many of the students, being out school since May, know they will have trouble getting back to the flow of lectures, labs, and extracurricular activities. “I can’t believe we have to go back already,” states [...]
Sidewalk Improv Starting on Glenstone
Springfield, MO— This summer promises to be the most improvisationally-filled sidewalk summer in history as road signs indicate that teams of improv players will be taking to the sidewalks on Glenstone avenue soon. “Ah, yeah I saw the signs for sidewalk improv and I was all like stoked for the hilarity on my walk [...]
Graduation Recessional Will Lead Directly to Unemployment Line
Springfield, MO- To save time, money and hope, all college and high school graduations will end with the graduates walking directly into the unemployment line. With the recession still looming over many industries, Missouri colleges and high schools thought it best to “cut out the middle man” and send the graduates directly to government [...]
High School Sweethearts Break Up in College
Springfield, MO – The Facebook relationship statuses of Evan Black and Emily Taylor confirmed today that the two high school sweethearts had broken up. The couple had been together for two years in high school and originally planned on getting married after college, but only managed to last as long as three semesters. Experts [...]
Naked Billboard Arouses Bachelor’s Interest
Springfield, MO – In the school’s latest effort to drive undergraduate enrollment, Ozarks Technical College launched a new outdoor ad campaign that’s exposing Springfield to the desirability of higher education. Featuring a female co-ed whose lady bumps are obscured only by the thin shield of her laptop, the billboards have been turning heads and dropping [...]
Student Misses School Closing Screen Crawl
Springfield, MO—Jude Kimmers, a sophomore at Hillcrest High School totally missed the “s” section of the school closing screen crawl on the local news this morning. According to his sister, Jamie, Kimmers had been watching the morning news in hopes that Springfield Public Schools would close due to icy road conditions. “Jude was glued to [...]
Cofer’s Address Focuses on Bow Tie Usage
Springfield, MO— In his first State of the University address, the new president of Missouri State University didn’t just try to motivate, he stressed the importance of the bowtie. James Cofer outlined many challenges, most notably, the adoption of an oft-overlooked men’s accessory. “The bowtie has served me well over the years, and I feel [...]
Students Read, Drink and Make Love
Republic, MO—Local students have learned that by reading books they can learn how to get drunk, and live promiscuous lifestyles. Usually these traits are picked up genetically or by observing the behaviors of their parents. Fortunately, two communities in the Ozarks are providing safe havens for students who don’t want to learn about drinking and [...]
Snuggies Allowed in R-12 Classrooms
Springfield MO - In an effort to reduce energy costs in the Springfield public schools, all teachers will be wearing the popular “Snuggie” in the classroom. “We recently sent out a memorandum stating that due to high energy consumption, personal space heaters, coffee makers, refrigerators, popcorn makers, and microwave ovens will no longer be allowed [...]
Bed Bugs Bite; MSU Tuck-Ins Awesome
Springfield, MO—Missouri State University is addressing a growing pest concern by offering a “tuck-in” service for all students who are fighting with bed bugs. According to sources, a residence advisor will visit dorm rooms that are reporting pest problems, tuck each student into bed and recite the phrase, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs [...]
Cup Thesis In Bridge’s Wire Fence
Springfield, MO – A local Missouri State University graduate student has been trying to complete his Master’s thesis for years now, and the end is not in sight. Dean Crayley has been a student at MSU for 20 years, 16 of which have been spent in pursuit of his graduate thesis. “I have the whole [...]
Nixa Athletics Logo to Change
Nixa, MO—Given the close proximity to the Philadelphia Eagles existing logo, the Nixa school district is considering new unique designs to avoid any legal ramifications. After an exhaustive search online, several new designs have been identified. The public is welcome to vote for their favorite design here. “Our current logo was designed by a person [...]
Dr. Brad Bradshaw Adds “Ninja” To Ever Expanding Title
Springfield, MO—Dr. Brad Bradshaw can now claim to be a licensed physician, surgeon, lawyer and ninja. Dr. Bradshaw graduated from medical school, possesses surgical training, specialized training in Internal Medicine and Psychiatry and has received certification in Clinical Obstetrics from Harvard Medical School. However, his newest accolade bestows legendary abilities including invisibility, walking on water, [...]
MSU to Sell JQH Arena, Cut Majors
Springfield, MO—In a bid to secure funding for 2010, Missouri State University president Michael Neitzel plans to sell university assets, the first to go is JQH arena. Said Neitzel, “I’m having our finance department run the numbers and we can get quite a bit of chump change for that airplane hangar on our campus.” When [...]
