Archive for September, 2012
Robert E. Smith Mona Lisa Discovered
Springfield, MO – Leonardo da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” has just become more mysterious due to the discovery of another painting unearthed by late local artist Robert E. Smith. The Smith version of Mona Lisa predates the original and begs the question, how did he do it? “Smith was always a timeless personality – I had […]
First Man on Moon Aided by Steroids
Marshfield, MO – The United States Anti-Doping Agency, in an ever-continuing effort to aggressively attack all things Armstrong, has announced that according to the replica Hubble Telescope in Marshfield, Missouri – Neil Armstrong had once tested positive for anabolic steroids. Only weeks after the legendary astronaut and first man on the moon, died from complications […]
NFL Hires Sammy B. Good as Referee
Springfield, MO – National Football League (NFL) officials have a new face to help call games – Sammy B. Good. Good was added to the officiating ranks to help add credibility to the struggling replacement refs who have yet to gain the full confidence of NFL players, coaches, fans, people who prefer ballet, aborigines, and […]
Cox Health Opens “The Cup” Sports Medicine Center
Springfield, MO – Cox Health has opened a new sports medicine center in the Bone & Joint Center on National Street and will be commonly known as the Cup. Cox Health employees will be strictly forbidden to refer to the structure as the Cup, yet many citizens have already latched onto the name. “The Cox […]
Fifth Andy’s Location Creates Insidious Pentagram around Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the prophesied fifth Andy’s location opening in the next several days many Springfieldians are worried about the ominous symbol that is created when you connect all the locations of the fame ice cream shops. By putting dots on the map of Springfield over Andy’s locations, a pentagram can be seen that encases […]
Remington’s: Moms Shop for Kid’s Clothes Where They Were Once Knocked Up
Springfield, MO – Moms who were knocked up by visiting Remington’s Nightclub were back recently to buy clothing for the children they birthed from relationships forged at the former country and western bar and dance club. “I never thought I’d have a building grow with me but Remington’s has done just that. When I was […]
Springfield Public Schools Bans “Emo Hairstyle” Do To Hair Related Injuries
Springfield, MO- A new dangerous hair style has found its way to Springfield and administration has taken steps to combat the damage. Having bangs over one or both eyes (also know as Emo bangs) has caused numerous injuries including: falling down stairs, tripping over own laces, and running straight into lockers. “We are on this […]
Chicago Cubs Somehow Pave Way to Springfield Cardinals Championship
Springfield, MO – In an ironic twist of fate, the Double-A club affiliate of the freaking Cardinals has won a championship before the Major League Baseball club Chicago Cubs, however, the Cubs organization has placed a grandfather claim to the title as they were the last MLB team to previously have an affiliate in the […]
Cider Days Dubbed “Mutt’s Nuts” Day
Springfield, MO – Cider Days is eagerly anticipated each year by hundreds of dogs whose owners bring them along to the autumn festival. Dogs lucky enough to attend experience a ‘speed dating’ type of atmosphere where potential mates of all varie ties are easily accessible for inspection. “My dog just loves this festival, he is […]
Visitors Streak to See Jordan Valley Park Nekkid Woman
Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley Park, located in the heart of town, is an urban meadow vast enough to find places for solitude, places to socialize and over the past few months has become a place to see a not-too-shabby lookin’ nekkid lady running around flashin’ what her momma gave her. Visitors to the park […]
Scooby Doo and “McGruff The Crime Dog” Debate Marijuana
Springfield, MO- With a spirited debate taking place in City Hall about the marijuana, Springfield may be next to get the “munchies”. Because of the new discrimination law being addressed the Ozarks may be feel a public debate will help the public see both sides of the issues. The debate will be between two famous […]
Walnut Street Ghost Worried About Younger, Cooler Ghost
Springfield,MO- The Springfield Land Mark Board will consider the demolition of two historical homes in East Walnut to make room for apartments, effectively leaving many senior ghost homeless. The older ghost, who have been haunting the properties for years are doing everything in their power to keep their homes. But, they know with changing times […]
