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RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "humor"

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Germans Deny SBC Märzen Gold World Beer Cup Win

Springfield, MO – Following an unprecedented victory in Denver, Colorado where the Springfield Brewing Company took the International Gold World Beer Cup in the Märzen category over several rival brewers, German participants are officially denying any such victory ever happened. The Springfield Brewing Company team went up against storied breweries who have a combined brewing […]

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Mike the Intern

May is here. Finals are coming up, the kids are getting ready to get out of school and you are wondering why in the hell you don’t get a summer vacation like everyone else. Well you might not get a vaca but I can help you start one hell of a summer soundtrack. Bryan Adams […]

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“Dot Com Parking” Now Available For Some Reason

Springfield, MO – The local Home Depot store has introduced a prestigious parking spot on their lot labeled “Dot Com Parking” displayed on an old piece of wood stuck in a bucket. Several questions arose around the newly christened piece of pavement none of which were more pressing than ‘what does one do in Dot […]

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Caged People Fed By Animals

Strafford, MO – Organizers at Wild Animal Safari have announced a new tour that encourages patrons to sit in a cage and be fed by the wild animals on site. The change is in response to the USDA ruling that visitors to the park may no longer fed animals from their vehicles. “We strive to […]

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St. Louis Arch Adds McDonalds To Observatory

Springfield, MO – Local McDonald’s franchisee Dom Kittles announced that his company secured the rights to place a restaurant in the top of St. Louis’ Gateway Arch and plans to open this summer. The contract came as a surprise to Kittles who considered his business as a longshot for the opportunity. “The news was great, […]

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Diverging Diamond Necklace Unveiled at Justice Jewelers

Springfield, MO – Responding to consumers’ demand, and nodding to the unique traffic solutions employed around town, a local jeweler has recently unveiled the Diverging Diamond Necklace. The necklace pays homage to the diverging diamonds found in several Ozarks intersections. “We wanted to celebrate a traffic win for our area. We were the first to […]

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Downtown Businesses Expected to Open Secondary Shops in Farmer’s Park

Springfield, MO – According to city code 34.356987, all downtown businesses are now required to open a second location at the new Farmer’s Park. While several businesses have complied with the new regulation others are more reluctant to make the investment. “We just feel that creating another ‘hub’ of business might actually hurt our existing […]

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Cox South Bungee Jumping Therapy Heals with Thrills

Springfield, MO – Results are coming back positive from an experimental therapy involving a bungee jump at a Southside hospital. Cox South has been treating patients with their Bungee Jump Health Towers installation for the past few months and has experienced impressive recovery rates. “We are always looking for new ways to treat our patients,” […]

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College Station Gravel Museum Celebrates Seven Year Anniversary

Springfield, MO – Touted as one of the premiere gravel museums in the world, College Station Gravel Museum in downtown Springfield, plans to celebrate tonight with an open house free to the public. “It’s hard to imagine that it has been seven years,” says curator, Scott Fillmen. “When we opened back in 2007 our goal […]

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Ozarkers Thankful for Endless Winter

Springfield, MO – Residents had reason to celebrate yet another winter storm this week as thundersleet, snow and freezing temperatures blanketed the Ozarks. Locals had feared that another winter weather pattern wouldn’t been seen until next year but those fears were relieved when the old man winter crapped out another round of shitty weather. “I […]

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LEGO® Releases Hammons Tower Set

Springfield, MO – Designed by a LEGO fan, the new LEGO Hammons Tower (77053) will be available for purchase this spring.  Creator Matt Plither, a Springfield native, submitted the design to LEGO CUUSOO, a site where LEGO designers can submit projects, gains supporters and receive royalties if a product concept is chosen for production. Plither’s […]

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Ozarkers Brace for Warmer Weather

Springfield, MO – Local residents beaten down by the frozen temperatures are bracing themselves for absolutely gorgeous weather ahead. Shedding the heavy jackets is something that will be required as the mercury rises but many Ozarkers are resistant to the coming change. “My winter coat is so, so comfortable,” said Natalie Filuster, “I’m not sure […]

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Girl Scout Investigating Possible Data Theft

Springfield, MO – Local Girl Scout Lorie Damon is reporting that she may have experienced a credit and debit card data breach from her cookie sales impacted 14 customers, one of the largest security breach she has ever reported. The cookie retailer confirmed on Tuesday that unauthorized access to payment card data between Feb. 2 […]

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County Jail Photos Scanned for Potential Mate

Springfield, MO – Local criminals are taking to the Greene County Jail photo gallery of bookings to find a potential mate. Hosted on the SpringfieldNewsleader site, users refer to the gallery via multiple names including Booking.com, Crook.com and IncarcerCupid.com. “The crime and courts gallery allow those interested in finding a partner to match their criminal […]

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Springfield Town Leaders Call “Hit” On Old Man Winter

Springfield, MO- With winter weather once again looming over Springfield, many city officials are turning to desperate measures to assure their town will not be in another icy abyss. During an emergency meeting Superintendent Norm Ridder (sick of so many snow days) and Mayor Bob Stevens decided to use government assets to fund various hit men and bounty hunters to “take care of” Old Man Winter. “Sure $100,000 is quite a […]