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RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "humor"

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Screaming Soccer Mom Orgasms On Sideline

Springfield, MO – Cries of “Yes, yes, yes!” & “Go! Go! Go!” as well as “Faster! Go! Yes!” were heard during a children’s soccer tournament this weekend at Lake Country Soccer Fields, confirming suspicions of several bystanders that the lady jumping around was in fact having an orgasm on the sidelines. “What the hell are […]

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Royals Win; Hell Drops to 60 Degrees

Springfield, MO – According to statisticians, the core temperature of hell has dropped significantly but not quite to freezing temperatures as the Kansas City Royals advance to the World Series, an event they haven’t participated in for over 29 years. “In honor of George Brett, I’m going to cover myself in pine tar and run […]

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RAIN! Your Questions Answered by the Missouri DOT

As fall comes to southwest Missouri, it brings with it a host of difficulties for drivers, chief among these is more frequent rain. We spoke with Gerald Nash of the Missouri Department of Transportation to get answers to some tough questions posed by Springfield area drivers. Q: When it’s raining, how much is the speed limit […]

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Reynolds to Retire; Voice Tony the Tiger Cartoon Mascot

Springfield, MO – After driving into the KY3 parking lot in 1967, Ned Reynolds has held a position with the company for nearly 50 years, but times change and he has announced his retirement to accepted a position with the Kellogg’s Company to voice Tony the Tiger, the advertising cartoon mascot for Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes […]

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Queen Moves In To Grand Palace

Branson, MO – British rock band, Queen is moving into the Grand Palace fulfilling both the need for a stadium rock group that appeals to a younger generation and a clever ploy to place rock royalty into a palatial venue. After years of sitting empty, the Grand Palace will feature the latest version of the […]

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Buffett Dealership Purchase Excites Parrotheads

Springfield, MO – Rumors are circulating that areas dealerships will soon be decorated with pirate and beach paraphernalia after a major purchase by Mr. Buffett. “I’m really excited that Jimmy Buffet is now an owner of dealers in the area,” said Nate Flegflop of Springfield, “I think a little island fun will increase sales of […]

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Venice of the Ozarks Briefly Revealed

Springfield, MO – Yesterday flood rains dissected the city of Springfield into a group of 118 small islands separated by canals and for a few moments Springfield existed as the Venice of the Ozarks, further verifying the city as one of the most important tourist destinations in the world. Before the deluge of rain, Springfield, […]

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Mobile Car Compactor Solves MSU Parking Problem

Springfield, MO – Missouri State University officials acknowledged campus parking has been causing extra challenges this fall, because of more students and new construction so they have implemented a plan to bring in a mobile car compactor to help alleviate parking congestion. “When I hear a complaint that says there is no where to park, […]

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Clif Smart to Twerk @ MSU Blackout

Springfield, MO – After crowd surfing at the newly renovated Plaster Stadium, Clif Smart has vowed to twerk during Saturday’s 6:00 pm Bears home opener vs. North Dakota if the new student section is packed out for Saturday night’s “Blackout”. Smart set the stage by crowd surfing earlier this week and claimed to raise the […]

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Dinosaur’s Fate Debated by Scientists

Springfield, MO –Local scientists are hotly debating the recent disappearance of Dino, a green fiberglass dinosaur located on hole number six at Fun Acre Mini Golf. Originally installed in 1987, the dinosaur was a permanent fixture until last Wednesday when it vanished overnight. Researchers claim that a series of events could have caused the dinosaur […]

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Uncle Si Cup Production Moved to SGF

Springfield, MO – The A&E hit show Duck Dynasty has touched the Ozarks in the form of a plastic cup facility, at the site of the former Solo Cup plant on North Glenstone Ave. Duck Dynasty is an American reality television series that portrays the lives of the Robertson family, who became wealthy from their […]

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Battlefield Mall Makes Way For “Diagon Alley: Springfield” Attraction

Springfield, MO – The City of Springfield has agreed to remove portions of the Battlefield Mall to create an attraction that will be known as “Diagon Alley: Springfield”. Diagon Alley is a fictional street in the Harry Potter novels where Harry and his friends shop to obtain school supplies. Because of the large number of […]

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Mountain Lion Retires to Creekside at Elfindale

Springfield, MO – A mountain lion sighting was reported near the Creekside at Elfindale Retirement Community last week where it is believed it was looking for a place to retire. Having made its way up Fassnight Creek that runs through the property the mountain lion was allegedly scouting the property for to research the complete […]

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Underground Beer Railroad Discovered

Springfield, MO – Excavators struck an underground room last week and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime, the original location of the underground beer railroad.  Though they are unsure of the original construction date, records indicate that it was used to distribute beer to Chicago during Prohibition. Near the end of the Roaring Twenties, […]

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Arms Race in Christian County

NIXA, MO – Nixa law enforcement has stepped up its game by acquiring a former military vehicle designed to resist mine explosions and ambushes.  The second Christian County law enforcement group to do so, said Ozark was their inspiration. “The vehicle can best be described as a massive hulk of a vehicle,” said Lt. Buff Nicholson, […]