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RSSArchive for May, 2011

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KY3 Changes Format to Cover KY News

Springfield, MO—After serving the Ozark Plateau area of Southwestern Missouri for over 50 years, local television station KY3 recently realized that the “KY” indicated that they should be reporting on news related to the state of Kentucky, not Southwest Missouri. Said the station general manager, “We were embarrassed and a lot surprised when one of […]

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Assessors Office to Accept Different Forms of Payment

  Springfield MO – With the public outrage over the increase of personal property taxes, the Greene County Assessors office has come up with a plan to help people make the payments.  Assessor Ric Kissington announced that the county will take as payment either gold or ground beef. “Seeing how property goes up and down […]

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FCN Investigates: John’s Mr. Zippy’s Express Wash

The Fair City News Investigative Unit was first contacted by PETA when, by all appearances, a penguin was being forced to wash cars at the corner of Sunshine and Kansas Expressway.  While the penguin was not immediately visible to patrons and “Mr. Zippy” appeared to only be a cute mascot, PETA was concerned that the […]

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National Bubba Day Sparks Riot at Walmart

  Springfield Mo- As we all know June 2nd is the national celebration of Bubba day.  Beet Farmers, Cattle Handlers, and other Bumpkins take the day off to remember loved ones and embrace the traditional family name that started right here in the Ozarks. The holiday started in 1862 by co-founders Bubba Jenkins and Bubba […]

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Branson Blasted For Serving Patrons Under 65

  Branson M0- After a police sting operation, numerous restaurants in the Branson area have been found guilty of serving patrons under the age of 65. Branson known as the “Vegas of the Mid-West With Colostomy Bags” prides itself to be the vacation spot for the old and old at heart. Many of the “youngins” […]

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Rapture Believers Looking for Jobs

  Springfield, MO—Scores of people who believed the Rapture was coming last Saturday are desperately looking for a way to continue their old boring lives. Dozens of people in the Ozarks quit their jobs, spent their savings and were planning to rise up in the sky as of 6pm May 21st. When the earthquakes didn’t […]

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Fail Sign May

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Ghetto Ziplock® Brand Baggies Introduced

Springfield, MO—Locally based Jordan Valley Innovation Center has introduced a new product to the marketplace: Ziplock® branded ghetto baggies. The new sealable, portable storage devices are decorated with colorful graphics and have an urban look and feel for users who prefer to carry their perishables with more street cred. Innovation scientist Herby Jamison said, “No, […]

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Man Rides Hog for Bike to Work Week

Springfield, MO—Local Harley enthusiast Lloyd “Mangus” Hamiltons was especially excited to learn that May 16-20 was Bike to Work week in Springfield, his newly acquired hog was “due for a good commuting test”. Mangus, a local botanist at Mark Twain National Forrest, said, “I was totally afraid that the carbon emissions that my hog emitted […]

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Graduation Recessional Will Lead Directly to Unemployment Line

  Springfield, MO- To save time, money and hope, all college and high school graduations will end with the graduates walking directly into the unemployment line. With the recession still looming over many industries, Missouri colleges and high schools thought it best to “cut out the middle man” and send the graduates directly to government […]

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2012 Cox Sucker Days Announced

  Nixa, MO—The Nixa Sucker Days committee is proud to announce it has a new title sponsor this year, Cox Health.  The event, now known as Cox Sucker Days, will be held in Nixa as scheduled this year, with a few changes.  Ted Crass, chairman of the event said, “We’re proud to welcome Cox Health […]

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Winter Bone’s Sequel: Summer’s Kidney Starts Filming In May

  Forsyth, MO- Due to the critical success of the drama “Winter’s Bone”, filming for the sequel, Summer’s Kidney will start this May. The entire cast will return, stating “They left us in the Ozarks to die. Please someone help us. Call a limo.” Sources say the plot revolves around Ree trying to find a […]

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Judgment Day Shadow Approaches

  Springfield, MO–As reported by KY3 news, Family Radio evangelist Harold Camping has the nation on edge as he has predicted that “Judgment Day” will occur on May 21, 2011. However, a local evangelist has a different twist on the matter. Moe Lester is a deacon at the First Reformed Second Baptist Lutheran Church in […]

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May Traffic Report

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May Horoscopes

Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys.       Zodiac icons designed by Aaron Thweatt