All Entries in the "Economy" Category
Bus Driver Quits, Exits Via Bus Ramp
Springfield, MO—Career bus driver Lou Stitall was charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and trespassing after an argument with a passenger led to an apparent meltdown on Campbell Avenue. Authorities said Stitall dropped several f-bombs on the City Utilities bus’ loudspeaker, grabbed two smokes, then deployed the bus’ emergency ramp, and took off.
According to one [...]
Greene County Outsources Court Cases
Springfield MO—The overwhelming caseload for Greene County attorneys looks to be tamed by a much needed solution; starting August 15th, excess court cases will be outsourced to attorneys in India and Pakistan. Video teleconferencing in Greene County courtrooms will allow remote debating to conduct trails. Attorneys from foreign countries will be granted licenses to practice [...]
Woodruff, McDaniel Buildings Sold To History Channel
Springfield, MO—The Woodruff and McDaniel buildings on Park Central East have been sold to the History Channel to be featured on a future episode of Life After People. A History Channel representative said filming will begin once the buildings start to show signs of visible decline, which should be soon since the utilities have been [...]
Local Man Offers City $3 For Vacant Lot
Springfield, MO – Floyd Harvill is making the City of Springfield an offer that he claims would be “irresponsible to refuse.” With the City recently taking back the much-hyped vacant lot after negotiations with local hotelier Johnny Q. Hammons failed, Harvill thought it was a good time to act.
“Fortune favors the bold, and lightning only [...]
City Considers Urban Cockfighting to Boost Economy
Springfield, MO—The city’s planning department is considering creation of an ordinance allowing Springfield residents to keep fighting roosters to boost the economy. Backyard gamecock ownership is a worldwide trend that the City plans to capitalize upon. Citizens are invited to attend the American Gamefowl Society meeting to gather public comment on raising cocks tonight at [...]
Tanning Tax Talk Tightens, Wrinkles
Springfield, MO—A looming tax may be applied to tanning salons to foot the bill for healthcare reform. Local owners are preparing for the worst by increasing tanning bed fees by 10% to cover the proposed tax, which could take effect this summer.
“I used to think that going to tan was boring, but now that the [...]
Local Tax Dollars Continue to Head Out-of-State
Springfield, MO—Fortunately, public service leaders, such as the Springfield School District, are making the tough call to outsource much needed local project work to non-Missourians.
“Ozarkers pay a lot of good money in taxes to pay for upgrades in public facilities and we’re here to protect our residents from the incapable architects in this community who [...]
Recession Ends: Jobless To Quit Eating Stray Cats
Springfield, MO—The un- and underemployed rejoiced today as the St. Louis Federal Reserve Bank decided that the recession ended in mid-2009. Positive reactions were recorded all over the nation, especially those unemployed in the Missouri Ozarks.
“Whew, I’m glad that was over, I’m ready for my bailout money,” said Higgins “cat-eater” Roland, a local out-of-work marketer, [...]
MO D.O.C. Reports Positive Economic Numbers
Jefferson City, MO—Missouri’s Department of Corrections has announced that the state’s prison population has reached an all-time high amid poor economic conditions. This is the first report from a government agency regarding positive growth since mid-2007.
The Department director attributes the fantastic growth numbers to an increase in criminal activity, due to soul-crushing economic pressures. More [...]
This Year Nixa Sinkhole is Financial
For the third year in a row the Nixa area has been hit with a surprise sinkhole, although this year it is an altogether different kind. In the two previous years the ground caved in swallowing all the land and whatever happened to be built on top of it. This year the financial market caved [...]
Missouri Economic Development Director Now Jobless
Jefferson City, MO— Linda Martinez has been laid off as Missouri’s economic development director after only eight months on the job. She decided to lay herself off due to economic pressures and in an effort to reduce overhead on the Show-Me State.
Martinez, the first woman to hold the position, told Governor Jay Nixon that Missouri’s [...]
NorthStar Battery Recharges Local Employment Rates
Springfield, MO—NorthStar Battery intends to hire up to 500 people over the next few years for the new plant it has built in northwest Springfield. Company, city and civic officials celebrated the completion of the new plant by licking both the male and female connections of nine-volt batteries.
“Zzzz-ow!” cried one official after feeling the shock [...]
Car Dealer Gets Special 0% APR Government Loan
Springfield, MO—The Missouri Small Business Loan Program has pre-qualified Patterson Auto Group to receive a LOW! LOW! No-interest! NO payments until 2012, Special 0% interest rate, APR for 70 months, pre-owned 2009 loan of $25,000.00*.
Owner Darin Patterson said all he needed to do was to push, pull or drag in his old loan in exchange [...]
Economy Gives the “Q” New Events
Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in [...]
Crowds Love Trashing I Love America
Springfield, MO—After the final sparkle, crews exploded onto the grounds of the area’s largest Fourth of July celebration. Volunteers worked for hours to clean up the mess left behind at the I Love America Festival. It took the crew of about a hundred 14 hours to finish the clean up at Springfield Underground.
“I love coming [...]
