All Entries Tagged With: "fun"
Following Thanksgiving Feast, Ozarkers Wake Early – Line Up for “Brown Friday”
Springfield, Mo – One day after gorging themselves with Thanksgiving fixin’s, many Ozarkers will take part in a pre-dawn ritual which will see them gathering in front of entrance doors with an excited urgency amid frenzied crowds. Anxiously, as if their lives depended on it, they will push and shove their way to the front [...]
Skepticon Leaders Pray for Good Attendance This Weekend
Springfield, MO – Leaders for the atheist group sponsoring the 4th annual Skepticon convention this weekend at the Gillioz are praying to God that they’ll have another good turnout. “Sweet Jesus, please make our event a success,” claimed one leader, hands clasped and kneeling before a makeshift temple of crucifixes and lit candles. For [...]
Ozarkians Remember Steve Jobs
Springfield, MO – With the passing of Steve Jobs, the visionary and co-founder of Apple, people from around the Ozarks are remembering his legacy and reflecting on the profound effect he had on their lives. “He made them iThingy’s right?” waxed Norma Grace Dean of Ava, MO, “I seen them once on the television, [...]
Giant Water Tower Terrorizes City!
Springfield, MO – The giant water tower on North Glenstone began moving late yesterday morning; the giant legs began to shift and the structure stumbled down the street crushing property in its path. Witnesses said the tower began to moan and wail before making an abrupt exit from its long-time position on the East [...]
Republic Schools Ban Writing Instruments
Republic Mo.- Effective immediately if students in the Republic school system want to jot something down on a piece of paper, they will have to transfer to a school outside the area to do it. School officials have banned the use of pencils,pens and felt tip markers. Spokesman Nick Nosebottom, said in a press [...]
Dillons Nervous About Neighboring Hy-Vee’s Customer Service, Specialty Foods and Giant Rooftop Artillery Cannon
Springfield, MO- With the Hy-Vee grocery store opening across the street, Dillons Super Store is nervous about the competition and being blown out of existence by a giant rooftop mounted artillery cannon. Hy-Vee is an upscale grocery store lauded for their customer service and unique specialty foods. Also they have a cannon on their [...]
Nation’s Remaining Unwanted VHS Found in Local Flea Markets
Springfield, MO – The American Film Institute has commissioned the flea markets of Springfield, Missouri, to become the official historical preservation sites of the nation’s remaining supply of unwanted VHS movies. AFI officials awarded the prestigious honor only after an extensive evaluation of many cities. The results showed that Springfield’s local flea markets have [...]
Japanese Strolling Gardens Ruined By Japanese Strolling Monster
Springfield, MO- What is a usually a calm experience, the Japanese strolling gardens erupted in slow paced chaos when the Koi fish pond was contaminated with toxic chemicals. After the contamination one fish (later named Koizilla) mutated into a medium sized fish monster. Because the creature was not used to walking on land, and [...]
Ugly Stick Bashes Out The Funds
Springfield, MO—Several Ozarkers have apparently agreed to be beaten with the ugly stick Friday night to attend the Springfield Little Theatre’s Backwoods Bash at the Ugly Mug to raise funds for the organization. The event can be viewed here. The attendees are preparing for the fundraiser by taking several facial impacts from the ugly stick, [...]
SGF City Council Stares at Goats
Springfield MO—People that hope to raise chickens in their backyards may soon have goats to go along with them. An attempt to allow the citizens of Springfield to have two goats on their property is being sponsored by Tom Tuttle, president of the Ozark Goat Ropers Club. “With all this newfound evidence of growing and [...]
Wheelchair-Chasing-Pedestrian Crossing Unveiled
Springfield, MO—A new street crossing has been added to the thoroughfares of town, a place where wheelchair bound people can run down pedestrians in order to cross the road. Several disabled people claim the new sign as a huge success. “I love it. I get to mow people down in my ride if they are [...]
Askinosie Unveils Lasting Gobstopper
Chocolate guru releases new candy format, shares profits. Springfield MO – Shawn Askinosie, Founder and Chocolate Maker of Askinosie Chocolate returned home Friday after a long anticipated trip to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. The factory, located in Munich, “truly is everybody’s non-pollutionary, anti institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun,” Askinosie confirmed. Askinosie is sharing his first [...]
