Supreme Court Ruling Celebrated By Running Red Lights

Local man runs several red lights before impacting a nitrogen tank

Springfield, MO—Erve Hollins, a local resident, celebrated the Missouri Supreme Court’s unanimous decision to strike down use of red light video/still camera enforcement systems by running as many red lights as possible today.

The landmark decision forced the City of Springfield to immediately disable all of its traffic law monitoring equipment and invalidates hundreds of dollars in red-light violation fines.

Hollins said, “I paid my red light fine last month and now they tells me I can’t get a refund, so I’m running every red light I come across to get my money’s worth, yeee-haw!”

Chief Judge Herb Westerbrook of the U.S. 7th Circuit Court of Appeals wrote last year in a decision validating the constitutionality of the safety camera program: “While no one has a fundamental right to run a red light, certain citizens will take it upon themselves to test the system.”

At last count, Hollins had run through red lights at all 11 intersections that formerly would have captured his municipal ordinance violations, some locations multiple times.

Witnesses reported seeing a man waiting through a green light before hurdling through intersections defiantly shaking his fist in the air as he blew through the traffic signals.

“I saw a dude screaming down the road, windows down, in his beat-up 1984 P.O.S. truck and he was listening to Van Halen’s ‘I can’t drive 55’. He screeched to a halt at the green light at Glenstone and Sunshine. Then when the light turned red he gunned it and screamed ‘catch me now you motha’ burners!’” said Francine Kilborn.

While refueling his vehicle, Hollins was informed that intersection safety camera programs improve traffic safety by reducing red-light running, which causes crashes, injuries and deaths. Hollins reportedly laughed hysterically, pulled away from the pump with the hose still in his car, ran through the closest red light, swerved to miss a car and impacted the canister of nitrogen at Glenstone and Seminole exploding his truck into a huge fireball.

The City of Springfield tentatively plans to hire a sketch artist to capture the faces of drivers seen violating traffic laws such as red light violations until the cameras can be reactivated.

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