Springfield, MO—Hobos around the country are rejoicing the opening of the Ozarks Stream and Fountain at Jordan Valley Park. Hundreds of vagabaughns are expected to take advantage of the free running water to cleanse themselves for the first time this year.
“Baffs are good to have whens you gots fresh water running. The fountain is hard to get clean real fast b’cause it shoots up n’ down, but I get purdy good washin’ off hobo butter after a few times,” said Whiskey Jones, a local train hobo who uses the fountain for personal hygiene each spring.
Hobos traveling the country have this week marked on the national hobo calendar as a “hobo bath” spot. Those hitchin’ train rides usually stop in to get a good washin’ before catching the next train on their endless journey across the United States.
“I’m free from the society of capitalism and constraints of time as a hobo,” said Knickers MacDoodle, “I can bathe, travel and eat roaches as I please. This life is the epitome of the American dream,” he said while finishing off a hobo’s dozen.
Riding the rails doesn’t free up life for all hobos. During high usage times, usually at night or early in the morning, hobo baths at the fountain are limited to 5 minutes per hobo as enforced by the hobo mafia.
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