Cute Girl Wants You to Stop Staring

Girl at library should wear an eyepatch

Springfield, MO – Fed up with guys ogling her as she tries to study in Meyer Library at Missouri State University, the cute girl has had enough. In statements made today, the cute girl has publicly denounced guys that creepily stare at her. “I’m sorry, but it’s just weird whenever I look up from my sociology book and I see your eyes locked onto mine. I’ve got work to do, buddy, and I have no time for love,” the cute girl said in a tone that was absolutely adorable.” Her button nose, thick librarian glasses and cool indie rock t-shirt just seem to be magnets for the eyes of males trying to study.

Junior Political Science major, Chad Pemberly, retaliated by saying, “I can’t help that I look at her! I don’t want to, but she acts like she needs help with her homework, so I am just trying to be friendly to help out.”

Apparently, this has been an issue that has plagued her since she enrolled at MSU. “Ever since my freshman year, guys have bugged me in the library. I guess I just look like the kind of a girl that would like it. I dunno.”

A source that wished to remain anonymous stated, “The problem is that she is just too cute and the only solution is for the cute girl to just go study somewhere else or to wear an eye patch. No one wants to stare at someone with an eye patch, so that would be the best solution. She has to do something though because she is the one who should be held accountable.”

Currently, the issue remains unresolved, but for the sake of harmony in Meyer Library and the sake of grades in the future, all females who use the library will be required to belch loudly if any male student makes eye contact with them.

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  1. Thick framed black glasses are Kryptonite to men everywhere, but an eyepatch could also attract a certain kind of guy . . . and that type of guy would be much worse than the average dude who loves nerd girls.

    On a somewhat related note: