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Borders Building To House Barnes and Noble Servers

Borders Group CEO sends a telegraph before heading to soda fountain

Springfield, MO- The old Border’s bookstore building has been purchased by Barnes and Noble to be used as storage for their various computer servers. Barnes and Noble, needing the extra server space and bandwidth to deal with the thousands of patrons visiting their web site every day, bought the building for 25 dollars and a half bag of corn chips.

“Due to Barnes and Noble’s phenomenal e-reader, the Nook, we need all the bandwidth we can get. Man, those things are amazing. What a great time to be in the book business….as long as you not selling actual books,” said Barnes and Noble CEO Chance Starspeed.

Because the e-reader is selling so well, the Borders Express, found at the Battlefield Mall, was also purchased and is being used to store extra Nooks.

“Don’t get me wrong; these babies are flying off the shelves, as are all e-readers. But, we thought it would be good to have some extra ones hanging around,” stated Starspeed.

The bankruptcy of Borders was no surprise. Joining the e-reader game so late spelled disaster for the company. Borders said they could not compete with the seamless download times and storage space of e-readers such as The Nook, Kindle, and iPad.

‘We thought people would love to have the feel of paper in their hands while they read,” said Borders CEO Conner L. Wordsworth, during his address over the telegram, “I guess we were wrong.” The CEO then promptly hand-cranked his horseless carriage and drove to the local five and dime for a delicious soda fountain water to take off the edge.

Borders is believed to have recouped some of their loses by selling books to impoverished European countries for kindling and toilet paper.

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  1. Josh says:

    Looking at the photo, is the Borders CEO a Nazi? That could’ve played a part in their decline too.