Local Crack Dealers Unnerved By Prostitution Ring Bust

Drug dealer upset that neighborhood is going to pot

Springfield, MO – With the recent big bust of a local prostitution ring at the much-heralded eyesore Landmark Building, some local crack dealers took the opportunity to chime in on the situation.

“I tell you what, it’s a damn shame, the way this neighborhood has gone to the dogs,” said a dealer who goes only by “Lucky Leon”. “I’m trying to run a business here, and all of this sinful behavior will make this a much less family friendly atmosphere. Them ho’s is killing us.”

Another dealer, “Ragsy”, went on to say “Listen, this building is known for two things: rats and good, quality, crack cocaine. I won’t have its reputation sullied by becoming a massage parlor known for its happy endings.”

When asked what they planned to do about the incursion of the world’s oldest profession onto their turf, both men had the same answer: absolutely nothing. “It’s the free market, and a down one at that. I guess we’ll just have to make do,” sighed Ragsy before offering this reporter a deeply discounted vial of crack.

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Filed Under: Crime


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  1. [...] took place in a basically derelict old building in our downtown, and I took the opportunity to satirize it in a blurb on Fair City News. (In case this is your first day on the internet, all of the text in blue indicates a link to the [...]

  2. Lindsay says:

    Hahaha! Awesome. I’m glad you put the comment at the bottom for those who might not pick up on the joke. What is fair city news, anyway?