Food Plate Reveals Future of Food

 

New wedge shaped foods and dairy disks introduced

Springfield, MO—The release of the new USDA Food Plate has Ozarkers excited for the future of cuisine. The 20-year-old Food Pyramid featured photographs of foods, while the new Food Plate shows futuristic foods arranged on a plate in geometric shapes.

“I’m so excited that the government released this new guide. Now we’re ready to eat strangely shaped foods in weird colors! I expect this to be a precursor to food pills that we will eat in the very near future,” said Shad Nebbeggar of Boliver, MO.

Local diners are eagerly anticipating the Trivial Pursuit-style foods that will be inserted into their new dining bowls. Restaurant owners aren’t so excited. “I have to order hundreds of new plates just to serve these new foods. According to the graphic all of these shape foods can be consumed with a fork, no knife or spoon is necessary so I think I’m okay in the utensil department,” said one back of house manager.

Some were not that excited, “I mean it is cool, but how long until we get a new graphic? I’m going to get tired of eating red fruits, green veggies, orange grains and purple proteins after a while…no, I guess I won’t I’ve been eating Lucky Charms for 30 years so I should be okay for a while,” said Lucy Doren, a mom of 2 in Ozark, MO.

Major food manufacturers are bearing most of the load as they will be expected to dye and form their foods to meet the new standards revealed by first lady Michelle Obama. Most Springfieldians were a bit surprised to see that no fats, fast foods or sodas were included on the new Food Plate. “I’m going to starve!” exclaimed Greg Yulim, a sophomore at Missouri State University.

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