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Michael Buble Impregnates 80% of Women at JQH Arena

 

A sample of baby gear sold at the concert

Springfield, MO—The soothing tones of crooner Michael Buble effectively impregnated a majority of the female audience during his performance at the Q this week. During the concert one female attendee was overheard screaming “Oh yes, yes, yes! His voice is throbbing inside of me!” before passing out on the concert floor from exhaustion.

“Bubble-head done knocked up my girlfriend with his damn voice,” shouted Dean Pritcherson who purchased concert tickets as an anniversary gift for his girlfriend, Jean Longings, 62, of six years. “I’m going to try to abort his love child by making her listen to Tool tonight, she’s way past her birthing years,” cried Pritcherson.

According to sources, this isn’t an isolated event; Buble has been impregnating members of his audience for several years via his vocal chords. The “Buble effect” has increased birth rates in cities where he has toured and it is clear that Springfield has joined the statistical list of towns affected.

Both St. Johns and Cox are making preparations to handle the overwhelming births expected in about nine months. A representative said bedding, staff increases and supplies will need to arrive by August to sustain the tsunami of expectant mothers. Most babies will likely be named “Mikey”, “Boo”, “Michelle” or “Michael” depending on the gender.

Organizers were happy with the attendance and unintended consequences of the event. In a statement they claim that this concert has increased the local healthcare economy by 400% and the job created by the miraculous audio-pregnancy will be sustained for generations.

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