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Jesus returns, brings lawsuit against the Tea Party for Slander

The Son of God finally returned today but surprisingly it wasn’t rapture related. Rather than appearing in the sky with a herald of trumpeting angels his return was much less dramatic. He showed up at the Greene County courthouse with his attorney Bob “Chewie” Chewhauser in tow to file papers against the Tea Party for slander and defamation of character. When questioned about his decision to return now Mr. Christ stated, ” It’s mainly about the gay marriage issue. I am just so tired of people using my name to spread hate and intolerence. And now this political organization is really making me look like the hole of an ass. I have always taught love and acceptence. I have never had a problem with gays, or lesbians for that matter. Actually I’ve always found lesbianism kinda hot!” When asked why he picked Greene county to file a lawsuit he said, “Well it is more or less in the center of this United States thing you have going so it seemed a logical place. And besides, I get lots of IM’s from this area.” He continued, “As I said before in so many words in Dad’s errr, God’s big book (in Matthew 19:11-12), some people are just born gay. Most people are created for heterosexual marriage. But, unlike some modern “Christians”, I do not see this as the only honorable way to live. I acknowledge that some human beings have been created by Dad to follow a less common, but equally legitimate path. I am very offended that people use my name to justify their own predjudices.”

Asked what type of settlement he is pursuing Mr. Christ stated that he just wanted to make a point. “Can’t we all just get along?” he said.

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  1. Reminds me of that Ray Stevens song about Jesus wearing a Rolex on his television show…. See above website for the youtube link.

    Very funny article!