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Strafford Schools Adopt Chupacabra as School Mascot

 

Go Strafford Goatsuckers!

Strafford, MO – After the recent capture of the mythical creature and cryptozoological wonder, the Chupacabra, Strafford school district has decided to adopt the creature as their newest mascot. “Known as the donkey-sucker, we thought it would be the perfect intimidation factor when we play our opponents on the athletic field or on the academic playing ground,” said the District Mascot Director Jalls Uptown.

 

The Strafford Chupacabras will be represented with a new logo featuring the beast sucking the blood of a goat. New team colors will align with alien grey and donkey-blood red. Local residents are generally supportive of the change. “I think it is a psychological advantage to have our children represented by an animal that was conceived by a ménage a tia between a dog, coyote and alien being because it tells our students that anything is possible,” said a supportive parent.

The creature is relatively unheard in regard to mascot and school representation. According to the American Mascot Association, Chupacabras have been underrepresented in the universe of animal/school association. “A great sense of pride is derived from a mascot, be it a tiger, an eagle or a mythical creature. Whatever icon best represents a community, whatever ties that group together is usually the best option,” said Zed Killerton, AMA representative.

Due to the difficulty in saying the new mascot name, cheerleaders have had difficulty with pronunciation and have settled with “Cha, cha, cha-lupas!” Taco Bell is currently interested in sponsoring the team to promote their Chalupa menu item. Nixa school district is closely monitoring the mascot change and is considering adopting the Nixa Hellhound as their school mascot if Strafford shows success.

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  1. amy glenn says:

    I go to strafford highschool and this is a big pile of bull malarki! Were still the Indians. Who the Hell came up with this load of crap?! I’m lettin everyone out there readin this that none of this is true. Who ever wrote this has got too much time on their hands

  2. Hermione Granger says:

    You know this is satire, right? Satire? It’s when you take….you know what? Never mind.

  3. None of your Business says:

    This is fake. I’m a student at Strafford Schools and we are the Indians! Not the freaking bloodsuckers! This! Is! Fake! Whats the point in making a fake article about something that was never considered! If you think that I’m lying about going to Strafford I can tell you I found this in research for typing in Strafford mo. Littering and scrolled to the bottom. So yeah this is fake! Fake! Fake!…… Avada Kedevra!

  4. None of your Business says:

    What is up with the cheerleader and taco bell crap! This is all fake!!!!!!

  5. Dave says:

    The Chupacabra is certainly a better mascot idea than the Fighting Farmers of Lewisville High School in Lewisville, Texas. (They have a pitchfork on their helmets.) And I hear they ruled out Cougars as offensive to women of a certain age group, and Road Hogs and Tailgaters just don’t have the right image. I used to know a person who lived in Forney, Texas. They didn’t like it, but they had to change their name from the Forney Gators to the Forney Jackrabbits because they were tired of all the forneygator jokes.

  6. Dave says:

    It would be really nice if the next person to shoot a chupacabra in Strafford would have it mounted and placed in the trophy case at the high school. Then during games, the fans on one side of the gym could yell “chupa” and the fans on the other side would respond with “cabra”. Then after three times, they could all make a growling noise.

  7. JC says:

    It is both hilarious and sad that so many people fail to recognize satire, especially since the word is used in the title of the page: “Fair City News-Local Satire News”

  8. Dave says:

    I don’t know how many people read this, but I only see two who didn’t know the article was satire, and one who didn’t know some of the responses were satire. Where’s my smiley face?

  9. This is hilarious! What is even funnier are the remarks. Oh my gosh,is this the first time these people have been exposed to the FCN? Good grief.
    Keep writing this funny stuff- life is short and gets shorter with all of the people who lack a sense of humor. They probably moved here from California.

  10. Dave says:

    I stand corrected. There are two people who don’t know the article is satire and two people who don’t know the comments are satire.