Copper Coin City opens at Former Red Roof Mall

New attraction to bring wenches and beer

Branson, MO – During a special meeting, the Branson Board of Aldermen approved the ownership transfer of Factory Merchants mall to the city paving the way to lease the land for Copper Coin City – a new theme park set in the Middle ages complete with a feudal system, Crusades, chivalry and courtly love. The red roof structure will be remodeled to resemble a castle surrounding the court where coin operated animatronics and rides provide entertainment for guests.

“Doth thou thinketh a joke? Nay, methinks not!” said city Alderman Joey Humperdink, “By my troth, Copper Coin City will be a place of epic battles, jousting tournaments, royal feasts, knights and romance. ‘Tis most splendid indeed!”

Proponents of the planned theme park point to the success of nearby Silver Dollar City, a park themed in the 1880’s. Opponents claim that Copper Coin City will not be a family-friendly vacation destination with down-home charm, rather it will be a lawless territory with wenches serving mead, dangerous gangs of looters and heirs of mongrel bitches.

The City claims that Copper Coin City will be successful in drawing a younger generation to Branson. “We plan to get dollars to the coin on the investment” said a press release. The property is located on 32 acres of land owned by the city and the existing 31 red roof tenants will have the option to move or transform their shop into a blacksmith, tavern, or house of ill-repute.

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  1. Dave says:

    I always thought of it as the Metal Roof Mall. It’s very entertaining to be in an upper level store during a thunder storm. Perhaps the city should build an artificial hail making machine with colored lights illuminating the whole place for night viewing. Maybe that would stimulate discount retailing.