New Coach line makes debut at Battlefield Mall

Craig T. Nelson on a bag

Springfield, MO – The premier leather bag retailer from New York, Coach Inc., is planning on market testing a new product line at their Battlefield Mall location. Lewis Frankfort, Coach’s CEO, made the announcement in a press release last Monday when revealing the company’s new line: The Coach Bag. “Coach has been commonly confused with the 90′s television series through many search engines long enough,” explained Frankfort, “so fusing the two, just seemed like a natural progression in eliminating the confusion.”

The aging CEO hopes that attaching Craig T. Nelson’s face to the bag design will capture the nostalgia that dull, white Americans feel for the seemingly prosperous decade of the 90′s. Though the series Coach was based out of Minnesota, Frankfort believes that Springfield, Missouri has a quintessential whiteness that has an uncanny resemblance to Coach Hayden Fox’s sitcom town.  Competitors have been scratching their heads as to why Coach Inc. would alter their formula of selling high end apparel to the masses by “midwesternizing” their products in hopes of grasping a new market share.

Fendi’s creative director, Karl Lagerfeld, noted that Frankfort “has always been on the cutting edge of accessorizing and fashion,” but is “unsure whether or not this is the right direction” for the rival company.  Other company officials were hesitant to give their comments on Frankfort’s new line of Coach bags.  However, one anonymous executive of the company conveyed his thoughts rather bluntly about Frankfort: “the old man has gone batsh*t crazy!” Crazy or not, keep your eye out in the community for the sleek new styling of the The Coach Bag.

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  1. Greg Orlik says:

    I have a nephew and his wife who live in Springfield near the Battlefield Mall and he assures me, through a confidential source, that Coach is also planning to introduce a Coach Gym Bag, now won’t that be nice. Count me in if they do!

  2. Barbara Howells says:

    The author is clearly using humor to subvert the banal, white bread culture held in high esteem by area residents. He should be encouraged to continue.