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Horse Meat Processing Plant To Offer Horse-Head Delivery for Mobsters

Everyday neigh, neigh, delivery

Mountain Grove, MO- Not only will the new Horse Meat Processing plant give Ozarkians the chance to eat delicious horse meat (with 3 different cuts of horse steak: Sea Biscuit, Secretariat, and War Horse), but give an exciting opportunity to ease the minds of local mobsters. With the plant’s streamlined “horse head” delivery system, mobsters can intimidate numerous clients while saving on time and man power.

“This is great,” says local goon Anthony “The Fish” Callabretta, “In the past I would have to spend hours delivering decapitated horseheads to scare no good snitches. But, now: forget about it.” The plant offers various packages for the different mobster needs. There is the standard “Black Beauty where the head is just snuck into the victim’s bed. Then there is the more elaborate “Flicka” package where the head is placed in the cereal cabinet so the victim gets a morning scare. Finally there is the “Shadowfaux”, a premier package where a bouquet of 8 horse heads are delivered in a decorative vase among baby breathe flowers and ivy.

“Now I have more time to lean on poor saps and put fish in vest instead of putting horse heads in people’s houses. Which means my car won’t smell like horse head anymore,” said henchman Donny Gabbana. The horse head delivery will be available to all citizens. Some non-mafia uses could be: disgusting practical jokes, classroom dissections, and gross puppet shows.

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  1. Dave says:

    I can just hear the shipping executives celebrating in Southern California. They no longer have to send empty cargo ships back to Asia to pick up the next load of iphones. They can fill them up with processed horse meat. They never could figure out how to carry live horses. I think it was a jursidictional dispute between the longshoremen’s union and the jockeys’ union.