Awkward! Nobody knows what exactly to do with this holiday. While it does bridge the gap between Christmas and Easter, it really adds no significance to society. As a matter of fact, I would say it is just the opposite. For some, Valentine’s Day is a time to spend with the one you love. For most, however, it is simply another reminder that you are lonely, probably a little chunky and there is likely something wrong with you physically, mentally, or both. The holidays are hard enough, but now you have to start gearing up to get yourself a “valentine” less than two months after Christmas and you just wiped that last scrap of pumpkin pie off your face. Now, don’t panic. If you are like everyone else, you probably started your new AWESOME diet plan…Yippee! There is only one problem with that…every store still has its left over Christmas candy on sale for 50% off…bastards. If you can make it past the mark down carts, however, you might just drop those 10-15 extra holiday pounds that make you resemble a distant relative of our good friend Jabba the Hut. Let’s just imagine for a moment that your gluttony hasn’t consumed you and you really do lose some weight…then you still have to contend with all the work and expense it will require to court this “valentine” creature. Is it worth it just for one day? Probably not! If you are looking for companionship but don’t want to go through all the hassle, I would recommend a late night drunk dial to an old flame the week of to see if you can work out some kind of a short term commitment. Otherwise, I would just consider ordering a pizza, renting dirty dancing and pushing on to St. Patty’s Day. For our motivation this month, I will defer to my aforementioned comrade Mr. Hut. “Keel-ee caleya ku kah…yaba ma dukey massa.” Which means, you disappoint me…you fail me again. Don’t feel bad though…Jabba probably didn’t have a lot of “valentines” either but he always did have a way with words or strange grunting sounds anyway. Not sure exactly what motivation lies here in this strange dialect but I always wanted to quote that fat, crazy, menacing, son of a bitch.
Keep em’ comin’ and watch em’ go.
Mr. Mike McMichaelson
Filed Under: Opinion
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