All Entries Tagged With: "England"
Ghetto Ziplock® Brand Baggies Introduced
Springfield, MO—Locally based Jordan Valley Innovation Center has introduced a new product to the marketplace: Ziplock® branded ghetto baggies. The new sealable, portable storage devices are decorated with colorful graphics and have an urban look and feel for users who prefer to carry their perishables with more street cred. Innovation scientist Herby Jamison said, “No, […]
Royal Couple to Honeymoon in Branson
Branson, MO—According to Royal sources, William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, are headed to Branson for their regal honeymoon this month. Catherine and William, who had been under a microscope by the wacky Royalists (those who fantasize about royalty) in the weeks leading up to their wedding, sought some privacy for […]
Brown Derby Actually Black
Springfield, MO—According to sources, the Brown Derby is actually black. Brown Derby, one of America’s 10 Best Retailers according to Liquor Store Magazine, is recognized as the Ozarks leading provider of spirits, wines and confusing combinations of logo colors and names. Since 1937, the store has featured a black line drawing as the store’s leading […]
Hooligans at Gastropub Consume Packaged Foods
Springfield, MO—After watching Germany beat England, hooligans demonstrated their displeasure at Farmers Gastropub by consuming processed foods flown in from around the country. The pub opened early for World Cup fans and the owners had no idea that hooligans would disrupt the restaurant after such a poor showing among the English soccer team. Said one […]
“Stonehinge” Not a Typo, Developers Insist
Springfield, MO – A new subdivision in northeast Springfield named “Stonehinge” is apparently named after an actual stone hinge, and is not, as was widely believed, simply a misspelling of the name “Stonehenge.” “Stonehenge” is the name of a prehistoric monument located in rural England built, it is believed, around 2500 BC. “Stonehinge,” on the […]
Local Man Outraged Sushi House Won’t Prepare Cheeseburger
Springfield, MO – Ozark resident Jim Stancil left Nakato’s Japanese Steakhouse irate after the chef refused to prepare a cheeseburger for Stancil’s picky daughter. Stancil was planning a special anniversary dinner when co-worker Bill Timson suggested he take his wife to Nakato’s. Stancil said, “Bill told me this place was romantic or some crap like […]
