All Entries Tagged With: "polar vortex"
Ozarkers Thankful for Endless Winter
Springfield, MO – Residents had reason to celebrate yet another winter storm this week as thundersleet, snow and freezing temperatures blanketed the Ozarks. Locals had feared that another winter weather pattern wouldn’t been seen until next year but those fears were relieved when the old man winter crapped out another round of shitty weather. “I […]
Polar Vortex Disease Blamed for Sick Days
Springfield, MO – Citing inhumane weather and uncomfortable feelings caused by decreased temperatures, hundreds of people across the Ozarks have called in sick prompting the World Health Organization to identify this new ailment as Polar Vortex Disease, or PVD. “I’ve battled PVD ever since I first heard of the polar vortex,” said Amanda Sitherton, “once […]
Polar Vortex Hovered Over Local Man
Springfield, MO – According to witnesses, the Polar Vortex followed a local man wherever he went yesterday, instantly dropping temperatures and freezing many businesses into closure. Jim Wunmertale said he first noticed the change when he left his home to take out the trash. “In the morning, I looked up and there was a black-silverish […]
