90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy

Ten percent minority to make decisions for all.

Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give a turtle’s turd who makes decisions for them.”

“This community has been run by 5-10% of the population for years now. I love it. Simply cater to the aging decision makers who are retired and have time to vote… and you’re in!” said former Councilman Herby Roiletts.

Ironically, most non-voters complain that their voices are never heard. “Government needs to come to my door and ask me what I want,” said non-voting disgruntled Greene County resident Newman Grey.

Voters with Sheepish Apathy founder Chip Hancock believes that while it is a privilege to vote, so is enjoying an hour-long lunch break.

Roiletts scoffs at the idea, “Okay get this, you and nine other people are going to lunch and one person (10%) makes the decision where to eat. Now this person is wealthy so he or she chooses the most expensive restaurant in town and all nine other poorer diners have to pay for their overpriced meal that they can’t afford. That is democracy. But wait it gets better, the one person who decides where to eat usually isn’t properly equipped to make the decision. The overly-expensive restaurant could have just racked up several violations with the Department of Health. Now who wants to pay for a dirty dining experience?”

“Lady Liberty may be blind but her head isn’t buried in the sand,” said Struckhoff, “she still finds her way to the voter booth. Whatever, it just makes my job easier to deal with fewer people.”

Polls will be open before and after work at convenient locations across the area.

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