New Airport Terminal Thanks to Terrorists

Springfield—The long-awaited, $115 million Midfield Terminal will open Wednesday, thanks in large part to terrorism. “Yeah, the terrorists have won again, we’re going to move to the new awesome terminal instead of the old shabby terminal that is inadequate for security purposes,” said Kent Boyd from the Springfield-Branson National Airport.

The old terminal has run out of airline operating space. Airline office space is currently rationed at the old terminal due to the fact that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) uses much of it to screen baggage. As a result, the Airport cannot accommodate new airlines without displacing TSA. There is currently no space remaining to house airline ground handling equipment. “I want to say that I have succumb to the terrorist demands and will roll my shining face over to the new spankin’ fresh terminal where I can enjoy free wifi, wide open spaces, comfortable seating and convenient security checks. Take that terrorists!” responded a passing passenger.

Passengers and baggage now undergo security screening that no one anticipated before 9/11. It requires lots of space—for passenger screening and baggage screening. In the current terminal the main passenger screening station is jammed into the area between the lobby and the gate entrances. Baggage screening takes place in small rooms that were used by airlines. These space limitations make the whole process cumbersome and slow. The new terminal streamlines security by providing adequate space. The end result: customers should spend less time waiting in lines.

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