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Two Trains Equation Solved In Sleeper, MO


Sleeper, MO—Two trains collided on the main BNSF line between Springfield and St. Louis last Monday morning answering the 7th grade algebra question: Where will two trains meet if train A leaves Springfield traveling at 35 mph and train B leaves St. Louis traveling at 45 mph? In Sleeper, Missouri just north of Lebanon.

Three cars of Budweiser, some railroad ties, and other materials spilled in the accident. Military’s Abrams tanks appeared to be fine. Three locomotives and 10 cars derailed, and BNSF says it shouldn’t have happened, but at least they have the answer to the complicated math question.

“Using basic linear motion equations to solve the problem, it should be easy to solve the query because constant velocity is involved; that is, there is no acceleration, so the equations will be simple,” said Laclede County Sheriff’s Dept. Capt. Mark Gregory.

The general equation is s = s0 + vt, where s is the distance traveled, s0 is the initial distance, v is the velocity, and t is the time. “Whatever that means,” said Gregory.

“The hardest deal was trying to determine the location of the actual incident,” said Sleeper Fire Dept. Capt. Phillip Pitts “however we started following the noise coming from the train hobos drinking all the spilled booze.”

Authorities attribute the algebraic epiphany to the work of poor timing, lack of technological equipment and the homing device of drinking hobos.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    is the plural for hobos; hobies,heebies, hobi,hooboo?

  2. [...] recently two trains on the BNSF collided in Sleeper. Read the article. It’s very funny. Like this:LikeBe the first to like [...]

  3. Dave says:

    At first, sheriff’s deputies wondered why no crew members were available to be interviewed immediately following the accident. There was a rumor that the train crews were in St Louis, operating the trains by remote control without a “dead man’s switch” to stop the trains if they fell asleep at the console. However, that turned out to be untrue. The crews were finally found in Sleeper, guarding the beer as required by their work rules.