Stockton May Bring Back Police Force, Maybe

A Stockton criminal enjoys the lawless benefits of his city

Stockton, MO—After seven years without a policing entity, Stockton may decide to bring back the boys in blue. Maybe. Perhaps. The city saves $26,000 a year by freeloading on law enforcement from Cedar County.

Residents say they’d feel better if a police presence was felt within their community. Criminals say they’d feel better if the police force were left out. The Cedar County Sheriff’s Department is responsible for the entire county and is spread thin trying to cover all law enforcement issues in the county and cover Stockton’s lack of law enforcement.

“I’d like to see this type of policy adopted across several cities in Southwest Missouri,” said one smash and dash petty criminal. He elaborated by saying legislation and taxpayer burden shouldn’t be stressed further by unnecessary law enforcement.

This year the City of Stockton is negotiating with the county to bring in a law man, perhaps even one that can ride a horse and patrol the streets. “With all of the 20th century technology – social media – what-have-you out there, you’d think we could locate a deputy or US Marshall from a bygone era to watch our city’s streets!” screamed one irate citizen. “How about that?!” he continued.

Stockton will meet with the county commissioners Monday to discuss the plan. If the city and county can’t reach an agreement the community may decide to declare a state of martial law.

In other news, water was found on the moon. For real. Water. On. The. Moon.

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