Nixa Beckons the Internet Fairy

The Internet Fairy visits lucky boys and girls in cities not named "Nixa"

Nixa, MO—The City of Nixa hopes to get commercial high-grade internet service by installing internet fiber lines provided by the internet fairy. Currently, all members of the city council have written letters to the internet fairy asking for the speedy gift of transmitting large files, super-fast emails and quick screen load times.

This idea started after city leaders polled nearly 50 businesses in Nixa with question such as “Are you irritated by sloth,” “can you change a car tire while waiting for Facebook to load,” and “like to illegally download more than 3k per second”? Every single one of them overwhelming said they’d like to have stronger internet capabilities. Not surprisingly, the survey was conducted via hand written letter sent via snail mail. The results were compiled after 2 months of correspondence.

Nixa’s Mayor, Brian Hayes, says slow internet access is preventing new businesses from moving to the area. The city has already missed out on several opportunities to bring in call or data collection centers that utilize fast internet connections. “It’s not fair, the internet fairy has visited all the other surrounding communities but hasn’t even wisped our way yet,” he said while showing the empty underside of his nap-time pillow.

The city is still looking at several different internet providers for this project, but says DSL Daphne, ‘Net Nymph, nor the 3G Goddess are available to render service to the area.

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