Abercrombie & Fitch Markets Reality In the Ozarks

Local clothing retailer features a "Reality" line of designer clothing for old, obese consumer

Springfield, MO—After numerous years of scantily dressing store models, clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch is taking a new approach to merchandising with a dose of reality. This fall, the Battlefield Mall location will be one of a handful of selected stores to participate in a pilot promotion program to fully dress each reality model within the store.

“WTF?” said mall rats Jenny Ruger and Kelly Hinsley, “they will all be wearing clothes…that’s so Montgomery Ward,” continued Hinsley. Store manager Gil Hucksbee says he’s preparing for an additional 4 hours of prep time before the store opens with fully-clothed, normal looking mannequins.

“We usually don’t ever have to dress our models at A&F, we usually only dust off the well structured plastic molds and ensure no one draws curly chest hairs on the them,” sighed Hucksbee. “We need to train every employee on the basics of pairing a shirts with pre-faded ripped jeans, perhaps even sweatpants.”

The tone of the store will be much different after the new promotional launch November 1st. Several models will feature not only one but multiple layers of torso designed outerwear and one might even sport a scarf. Hucksbee says he was provided a package of black warts to adhere to the models in order to make them appear “less perfect”. He’s also been instructed to insert padding into the abdomen regions of some male models to give the appearance of middle age.

Abercrombie and Fitch corporate released a statement explaining the change as “necessary restructuring and retargeting of our brand to reach seasoned consumers with significant disposable income – those who appreciate a garments’ ability to provide warmth instead of simply a nice solid set of plastic man nipples on a floor model.”

The rise in reality television shows and the increase in American obesity were also cited as rationale for the pending promotion and clothing line.

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