Elderly and Jobless to Vote Today

Springfield, MO—Ozarkers will take to the polls today; the jobless and elderly will likely constitute the majority of those voting as most people in this area don’t bother themselves with such trivial issues.

Voters in Springfield will be asked to approve the mistakes of the City of Springfield on the Fire and Police Fund or sell City Utilities, decide if children are worthy of some new fangled contraption that provides “air conditioning” and choose to close more schools in the area.

Earlier this year the voting public (about 10% really, 90% didn’t waste their time) shot down a one cent sales tax to fund the failing Fire and Police Fund and are now faced with a ¾ cent sales tax to fund that program. Considering this vote fails the public will be presented with the ½ cent sales tax issue on the next ballot.

Voters in Christian County will be asked again to build libraries after the first proposal went unapproved. Due to a low literacy rate in the county, pretty pictures will be used on the ballots this year. To vote yes, mark the smiley face with the book, to vote no mark next to the frowning face with the devil holding a book.

Republic citizens will choose to create new jobs by building a school and renovating old buildings.

Fremont Hills will decide if they are annexing property for sale in the City of Springfield to expand their empire and fund their new golf course aspirations.

“We’re hoping that the high jobless rate will work in our favor today,” said Green County Clerk. “Hopefully, more people will show up as they have nothing better to do.”

Polls open at 6:00 am and close at 7:00 pm.

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