Unknown Energy Sphere Seen Over Springfield

Strange God-like sphere appeared over the Ozarks yesterday

Springfield, MO—Local residents were alarmed yesterday by the presence of a large gaseous sphere hovering over the Ozarks’ skies yesterday. Many Springfieldians reported temporary blindness and momentary confusion while glancing at the heavens. “This is a land of gloom, clouds and semidarkness. We’re not supposed to have exposure to this kind of thing…this sunshine. We don’t understand it,” exclaimed Roy Tolliver.

After resigning themselves to living in an underground culture, several residents immediately began worshiping the strange star and spontaneously broke into music, poetry, and the arts. Worshipers associated medicine and healing with the newly observed glowing light source. Believers claim that the oracle of Spring-phi prophesized the appearance of the strange ocular deity.

A sky illumination has not been seen in this world since the Second Punic War in 212 BC. “I was resigned to live life in a cloudy, gray, soul-sucking palate of colors until this new gassy ball of light appeared before me,” said Richard Donnelly, a local motivational speaker.

“Obviously this was a sign from a god of the palaestra, so I ripped off my clothing and knelt down upon the snow to pay my respects,” claimed local heathen Luke White.

Amateur astrologist Herm Manner said, “Uh, hello? The Sun is a G-type main sequence star comprising about 99.86% of the total mass of the Solar System. It’s bound to appear at some point.”

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