Depends Offered at Branson Zipline

Zipline now offers Depend Adult Diapers for incontinent guests

Branson, MO—Zipping thru the trees on a zipline has a new benefit this month: free adult diapers to the first 200 customers. According to sources at Branson Zipline and Canopy Tours, every person whizzing through the air, hundreds of feet above the ground will be given a free pair of Depend Adult Diapers.

“Our customers expect a high level of service, and we want to provide people with a pleasurable experience,” said a company official, “Plus, I’m really tired of cleaning up crap from scared patrons. That stuff can really fly thru the air! I could show you pictures if you want.”

As Branson seeks to attract younger customers providing fun, exciting thrill rides has become a popular practice. “Unfortunately, the elderly still need to catered to, that’s why we’re adding a chicken fried steak buffet on platform 4. It also serves as a reward for not defecting on the ride,” said park janitor Louie Trace.

The zipline provides entertainment for children’s birthday parties, youth group excursions and high school outings, however, they report about 40% of sales come from those 55 and over. Approximately 60% of all participants experience some sort of incontinence, which the company takes as a sign of enjoyment from riders. “We really like that our customers wee their pants with excitement at our establishment. They depend on us for a safe fun ride, now we can trust Depend Adult Diapers to keep it clean all the way down,” said a pr release announcing the upgrade. The new promotion is effective immediately and zipline guides suggest not eating a big meal or drinking fluids before customers “come fly with us.”

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