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Nonstop Flights Hold Passengers Captive

Pretty much the only thing nonstop flight passengers will ever see

Pretty much the only thing nonstop flight passengers will ever see

Branson, MO—Branson Airport has added two new nonstop flights that never stop. Branson AirExpress, operated by ExpressJet Airlines, will operate the nonstop flights May 17th.

The nonstop flights are a first for the airport which usually operates between destinations. Offering nonstop flights comes with unique requirements such as mid-air refueling and restocking of supplies. The Airport Executive Director said, “we’re proud to offer nonstop flights for passengers who never want to return to Earth.”

Passengers will be aboard the planes until their demise and those who pass while aboard the nonstop flights will have their corpses jettisoned from the aircraft. Passengers will be allowed to book their nonstop flight willingly for themselves or friends and family can pay for tickets for those people they find annoying.

The criminal segment is taking particular interest in the program as an optional life sentence solution. “If I could load up an AirBus full of the most rotten criminals and send them hurdling around the globe, I could free up a lot of jail space,” said Greene County Jail manager Hewie Didit.

“I’d love to travel, I think a nonstop flight will be the best way to see the world!” said a giddy Rebecca Gower, who didn’t fully grasp the concept of never being allowed to exit the plane.

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  1. Taylor says:

    It is like a legal suicide.