Candidate “C” Named As Finalist For MSU Presidential Job

Candidate "C" may or may not be Dr. "Dick" Head

Springfield, MO—Missouri State University has announced the first of 4 candidates, a Mr. “C”, as a finalist for their top job. FCN has learned Mr. C is rumored to have an uncanny resemblance and likeness to Dr. Richard “Dick” Head.

Dr. Dick Head is getting considerable attention and buzz because he reportedly loves to attend meetings wearing a grocery sack rather than typical academic regalia. The presidential search committee has been very tight-lipped about the selection process, preferring to only publicly list the candidates as A, B, C, and D. Reportedly a member of the committee, attending a recent private cocktail reception, inadvertently leaked, “Hey, we’re looking to shake things up a little and word has it that Dr. Head is a player.”

It’s no secret that there has been some real tension between the faculty senate and the departing MSU President. Just this month a controversial policy was approved by the Board of Governors allowing the University President full power to reassign faculty as necessary, prompting one member of the faculty senate to pointedly tell FCN, “I for one will be thrilled when the new President is hired because at this point, even a unknown Dr. Dick Head would be welcomed with open arms.”

Asked about the identity of the three other potential candidates one clearly disgruntled Economics faculty member blurted, “Who knows? A, B, C, or D could be Dr. Dick Head.” A Google search by FCN revealed there are no known Dick Head’s at the helm of any college or university fueling speculation that the mystery candidate may very well be a non-academic Dr. Dick Head.

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