Hammons to Fork Over Land

JQH ponders the vacant lot covered in trillions of plastic forks

Springfield, MO—After paying $7 million dollars for the vacant lot next to the Springfield Expo Center, John Q. Hammons plans to sell back the property to the City of Springfield for $1.00, after spending $500,000 on plastic forks to be inserted into the land.

Hammons released a statement to the Springfield Business Journal saying he had attempted to negotiate a new timeline to build an Embassy Suites on the property however the City refused to extend his window of opportunity to secure affordable financing for the project. According to sources, Hammons said, “Let ‘em have it. Fork it.”

Hammons had originally planned to spend $50 million to complete the hotel project between the Springfield Expo Center and the Jordan Valley Car Park on St. Louis St. so blowing half a mil on plastic dinner forks was of little consequence.

The developer plans to stick a ton of forks, tines up, in the vacant lot late at night so when the City wakes up they will have 2,000,000,000,000 forks in their yard that they must go pick out—one-by-one—by hand. “We considered teepeeing or hotdogging, but landed upon forking as the going away present of choice,” said one representative.

The City has no idea of the proposed forking but will likely put out a bid for clean up once they realize what a pain it is to pick up $500,000 worth of plastic forks from the lot.

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