Feminine-Voiced Man Fed Up

Local man has the voice of a woman

Springfield, MO – Cursed with a voice that is slightly high pitched Springfield resident, Miles Prower, is taking drastic measures to cure the curse of his womanly voice. Prower told Fair City News “I have to make phone calls for my job and I’m just sick and tired of people calling me ‘ma’am.’”  (Editor’s Note: We thought we were talking to Prower’s mother for the first ten minutes of the phone interview).

In an attempt to add some testosterone to the quality of his voice, Prower began a heavy smoking regiment of three packs a day. The results were less than successful. “They made me sound more sultry at first and I was mistaken for Kathleen Turner. A few months later, it became raspier, but then I was mistaken for Margo Kidder. I just can’t win,” Prower stated.

Now, with black lungs and a throaty, sexy tone in his voice, Prower will result to extremely drastic measures to cure him of his feminine voice. Using the sci-fi laser technology at Mattax-Neu-Prater Eye Center, Prower will blast his throat with enough high-tech superscience to scar his throat and turn him from a Diane Keaton to a Michael Keaton.

When asked why they would use their deus ex machina laser cannon to be used in such a way, Dr. James B. Mattax jr. said, “We believe in helping people be who they are. Mr. Prower is a man, and by God, we’ll make him one yet.”

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