Turkey Trot Course Hampers Sausage & Gravy Run

Inconsiderate Turkey Trot participants annoy man

Springfield, MO—Kent Louizer, a local breakfast connoisseur, is making plans to visit his favorite breakfast shop Thanksgiving morning based on the Turkey Trot road closures.

“The dang ol’ race isn’t going to keep me from getting my sausage and gravy,” stated Louizer.  According to Louizer, each year at Thanksgiving he has to make a special driving approach in order to arrive at Gailey’s Breakfast Café to enjoy his favorite breakfast.

“I can’t stand all of these people walking and running around the area. They are just getting in the way of me eating sausage and gravy. Health nuts. Move it along!” blurted Louizer.

Most Turkey Trot participants are unaware of the undue stress placed upon Mr. Louizer, however Turkey Trot planners have known about his plight for years. Reportedly, organizers have been petitioned by Louizer to move the route to the outskirts of town each of the past 10 years.

“The first 6 years really weren’t a problem for us or Kent, however, once Gailey’s opened, he has been a strong opponent of the downtown event. Hopefully, he’ll eat his last sausage and gravy breakfast soon and his arteries will finally clog. I swear he should be out there running the Trot, not trying to navigate around it,” said one person, Gia Widdit.

As of print time, Louizer had mapped out the perfect route to bypass the USA Track and Field (USATF)-certified course. “Gonna take me 2.3 minutes longer to get my sausage and gravy,” he murmured under his breath.

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