Doctor Promotes Smoker Environment

Smoking doctor tokes for patients

Springfield MO-A not too well noted Springfield doctor is taking his patients back to the time where 3 out of every 5 doctors recommended smoking certain brands of cigarettes. Any patient of Dr. John Dilly will have the freedom to enjoy their favorite cigarette in the waiting room and if they like during their examination.

“Seventy years ago, everyone smoked and nobody was worried about what would happen.”, commented Dr. Dilly as he puffed on his Winston. “I have done studies based on conspiracy theories that leftest, global warming socialists who run the government are the cause of all of this.” Dilly added, “My findings are not based on the American Medical Association or the American Cancer Society. Those organizations get funding by the government whose objective is to take away freedoms and rights. My research is based on the only real group that has not lost the idea of the American way and that is the American Tobacco Institute. Their reports indicate that any anti-smoking findings are based on socialized agents who get their orders every night from China and Moscow. Smokers and the American Tobacco Institute promote the real America. They provide jobs to the tobacco farmers, people that make and distribute cigarettes and the people that work in stores that sell them. So we are talking about employment in this tough economy.”

Along with smoking in Dr. Dilly’s office, patients will also be treated to a massage that features a tobacco juice and urine body rub. “There is also no evidence that second hand tobacco juice and urine cause any problems.”,stated Dilly. “I will also give nervous pregnant women a couple of drinks to calm them down. I have discovered that the same group of people that don’t like smoking are the same ones that think there is a problem with alcohol and pregnancy. All part of the government plan of control. Health and the ability to breathe clean air are not the issues here. I am not just blowing smoke and stinking up the joint. I am exercising my freedoms and rights. Like Gene Simmons of Kiss that sells that prune juice soda says, “Trust me. I’m a Doctor.”

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  1. tom says:

    Actually the good doctor for which this satire is being directed isn’t promoting smoking, just stating the obvious that if you don’t like to eat around smokers then don’t go to the establishments that allow it.