Local Kids Found “Sheening” in Parking Lot
FairCityNews.com | Mar 03, 2011 | Comments 0
Nixa, MO—A new synthetic drug is on the market made of tiger’s blood and Adonis’ DNA and when used is referred to as “Sheening”. The new stimulant is rising in popularity and is threatening to unseat the Ozarks as the capital of methamphetamine production. The drug has becoming so popular that kids across the Ozarks are participating in recreational “Sheening” instead of stealing their great-grandma’s smokes or huffing gasoline out of their dad’s tube socks.
Recently, two teenage hooligans were found in the Nixa Hardware parking lot partaking of the designer drug “Sheen” and were arrested for possession of an uncontrollable substance. “The kids claimed they had pulled the idea from the Two and a Half Men co-star Charlie Sheen. They mixed some animal blood they found from the zoo with the DNA off a McDonald’s cup and claimed they were ‘sheening’. Fortunately, they were simply taking a weird concoction of bodily fluids. It could have been a lot worse,” said Christian County Sherriff, Nall Gettum.
The Charlie Sheen drug has been produced in the hills of the Ozarks and is considered a rare and exotic drug, not understood or comprehendible by mere mortal brains. In fact, those who try to manufacture the drug are so baffled that they spontaneously combust due to the complicated procedures required by the recipe. Most who use the drug usually can’t handle the effects and find that their face melts off and their children weep over their exploded body.
“Kids these days will try anything to get a high. Not too many of them want to ‘sheen’ as they are scared shitless of what it might do to them,” said Nixa High Junior Sal Gizzly, “but they are intrigued by becoming a bitchin’, a total frickin’ rock star from Mars.”
Filed Under: Entertainment