James River Breaks Up With America

JRA kinda likes America

Springfield, MO—James River Assembly has bid adieu to America for the time being. Due to an upcoming summer of unknowing circumstances, JRA has decided to break up with America. Says a source, “We will always love America but we can no longer continue to date.”

James River Assembly and I Love America had been a constant fixture in the Ozarks for eleven years. According to management, some things must come to an end. “I was always skeptical of a relationship based on the Springfield ‘Underground’,” said annual participant, Newt Umphreys.

Overheard on the streets of Springfield, JRA was heard to have murmured to America “it’s not you, it’s me” while glancing out both sides of its eyes, looking longingly for some reassurance. America was found sobbing in the corner of Southwest Missouri by itself.

One observer, Shirley Idlebeullright, said, “sometimes people who have been together for an extended amount of time just need some time apart. I’m sure they will reconcile and James River will Love America in the future.”

JRA’s friend said, “I think that JRA is still in love with America, I just don’t think they know it right now. They’ll see it someday. It’s not like it is ‘I Like America’ it is love.”

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