St. John’s Hospital West Wing Quarantined For Completely Non-Horrifying Reasons

4 out of 5 possessed doctors agree everything is "normal"

Springfield, MO- Hospital Administrators and staff assured the public yesterday that even though the west wing of St. John’s Hospital has been quarantined, it is for totally non-horrifying reasons. They also assured Springfield citizens that the quarantine has nothing to do with: terrifying prophecies, unspeakable evil, the ancient demon-god Hhadarsh-Um, Hell on Earth, or the inky darkness of man‘s soul.

“This is a perfectly normal quarantine,” states hospital administrator Carl Sandberg. “The horrifying screams, the seemingly bleeding walls, the reversal of gravity in some rooms are all pretty standard when it comes to quarantine. This is simply a precaution.” Sandberg’s eyes then turned pitch black as he levitated two feet from the ground and eerily floated back to the west wing.

The events started two days ago when area man Peter Grant was found twitching in the middle of the woods near Ghostman’s Grove, a location known for it’s strange occurrences and occult past. Peters was then taken to Urgent Care, then quickly to St. Johns.
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“Oh, the Urgent Care? We had to have 12 priest burn that to that ground and then douse the site with holy water because of the…termites…yeah termites, that’s the ticket.,” Doctor Faust, an employee of Urgent Care, told FCN. “And I don’t know where you heard about all the face meltings…that is crazy…oh you never mentioned face meltings…well never mind…that‘s crazy,” Faust also stated.

Once Grant was admitted to St. John’s Hospital many strange happens occurred such as: power outages; doctors and nurses huddled in the corner as they repeated “Semoc Eno Krad Eht” constantly; whispers being heard in empty hallways; and patients opening their mirrored bathroom cabinets, getting their pills, then seeing terrifying creatures behind them when they close their mirrored bathroom cabinets, but see nothing when they turn around.

“As you can see there is nothing to worry about“, states Rev. Stanely Garrets. “The military, SWAT team, and religious leaders all come together time to time, during these things all the time. You know to just…talk…about stuff. And all the talk about walking corpses is preposterous. I am sure this is something to do with the bird flu or something.”

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