Springfield, MO—As thoughtless rains flooded the Ozarks on Monday one man, Charles Naysmith climbed to the top of his roof held onto his ancient TV antennae and shouted, “You call this a storm?!” as a last ditch effort to mock the gods of flooding and constant rain.
Naysmith was called away from work to tend to his flooding basement and spent 9 hours sucking away water in an attempt to destroy the life-sustaining liquid aided by only a puny 8-gallon shop vac, and two Sham-Wow! towels that were as useless as pitchman Vince Offer.
After hours stuck in a vicious cyclone of torture consisting of: securing water-dumping water-seeing water seep back into his home, Naysmith lost his mind, stripped off his clothing and climbed his roof to curse the wicked deities who douched the Ozarks with impunity.
“Yeah, I think my neighbors might think it was a little awkward, but after I tempted the Olympian shitheads who were pounding us with H20, the rain let up and in fact stopped for the night,” said Naysmith, “I do regret that I had to climb off my roof naked. That was a bit difficult and I slipped a couple of times and dirtied my birthday suit.”
Naysmith contends that he should have made his stand earlier in the day and calls on all people to consider this act of defiance the next time the clouds don’t close up after 48 hours of precipitation. “Hey rain is good, but too much of it can drive a naked man up a shake shingle roof,” he confessed.
Filed Under: Weather