Freakin’ Moron Allowed to Purchase Fireworks

This freakin’ moron should have been carded before he was sold a Roman candle to shoot our his arse.

 

Springfield, MO—Julie Robertson, a firework salesperson, said she was hesitant to sell an entire gross of M-80s to Norbert Gilferdton as he looked to be a freakin’ moron capable of harming himself and/or others. Unfortunately, no laws exists banning sales of fireworks to idiots, much less freakin’ morons.

“This man came into the tent and could barely walk straight. I think he was high as a kite or just blessed by God with an uncoordination unmatched by any other human that has ever walked this Earth. I can only hope that he takes his M-80’s to a secluded place to discharge them, if not this man could wreak havoc on entire civilizations,” said Robertson, who has worked as a firework salesperson for 6 summers now.
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According to witnesses, Gilferdton asked if he could shoot off his fireworks at the upcoming “Fireworks at Ebbets Field” event. “I couldn’t contain my laughter at first, I mean the fireworks show is at Hammons Field not Ebbets. Then it sunk into my head that this person was serious and hadn’t a single freakin’ clue that they were wrong. That’s when I grabbed the kids and fled,” said one customer who chose to remain nameless due to his fear of the freakin’ moron who just purchased several high explosives without providing any sort of government issued identification nor who was subjected to any background test before receiving explosives that could seriously maime and mangle the innocent.

Most who witnessed the exchange expect a harmless celebration in their respective neighborhoods, however, they do claim to keep an eye out for the freakin’ moron in their neighborhood who decides to duct tape an M-80 to a spear and throw it through a flaming hoop of lit vodka.

 

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