Area Dogs Survive Another Armageddon

 

Mr. Biggles hides from the giant July explosions

Springfield, MO- Area dogs are pleased to see they survived another Armageddon. The Armageddon (which always occurred in early July) is marked with horrible, thunderous banging sounds; bright lights exploding in the sky; black ash snakes appearing from flames; fire and sparks shooting from the ground; and smiling demons holding magic sticks of fire.

“It was awful,” states Caesar (a golden retriever mix) via translator. “The night gets pitch black and then the stars start exploding and raining fire down on us. I was sure Blood Tooth, the giant Hell Hound of Bathur was coming to take us to his kingdom of the damned. There, vacuums are always running, cats are twice as large as us, and no one is a good boy.”

“I tried to howl a prayer up to our savior Bacon Breath, a deity of love, understanding, and table scraps. But, it was in vain. So I hid under the bed like a coward,” stated Fluffums, a pedigree poodle,

Other dogs look for a scientific answer of the events.

“The stars exploding simply because they are out of starium, the element that all stars needs to survive,” states Gary, a bulldog. “And the fire snakes are just a species we don’t quite understand much like Bigfoot or the loud-cube-make noise-thing.”

Whatever the reason, most dogs are glad they saw the sun rise the next day. They are terrified of the mini-Armageddon that happens every December 31.

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