COPS shot in SGF


Cameraman captures aspriing reality tv star criminal

Springfield, MO—Witnesses claim that camera crews for the television show COPS was in town this past week riding with local law enforcement giving local peeps the opportunity to claim their own fame.

According to police radio reports, at least six people had claimed that their “refrigerator was running”, 23 claims said folks were making meth with a permit and 83% of complaints were about white collar crime that no one had an interest in.

A producer of COPS said, “Bad boys, bad boys. What are you going to do? What are you going to do when we come for you?” Then he wept quietly and asked God to take his sullen life quickly before he had to recite those tired, tired lines again.

Fortunately for the COPS crew one major case broke while the team was in town: a throwed roll was imbedded into a patron’s chest at Lambert’s Café in Ozark. When crews and police arrived, most folks weren’t aware of the physical impairment and continued to eat Ol’ Norm’s passarounds.

It wasn’t until the guest had dislodged the dinner roll from his chest, tossed it back towards the original propeller that the issue was recognized as urgent. “ Yes I tossed a roll to the man in booth 316 but I did not expect the roll to impact his chest cavity, nor did I anticipate the victim would retaliate by throwing the roll back at me,” said Shawn Matthews who was tackled in the dark while wearing a white wife-beater tank top in the back yard of some stranger.

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Filed Under: Crime


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  1. Chris Cruzan says:

    I hope they got footage of a drive-by “throwing”. FCN always helps me get through a Monday. Thanks guys!