Movie House Allows Smoking, Drinking & Texting


Red carpet is rolled out at the Vice Theater

Outside City Limits – According to sources, the recent mobile phone ban at Campbell 16 Cine has convinced a local entrepreneur to begin construction on the Vice Theater, a movie house that will allow customers to do as they please while watching their favorite flicks. The Vice will serve beer and wine, have a fine selection of cigars and will allow mobile communications during all screenings.

Dan Newbie, the mastermind behind the idea, says that people go to the movies to escape not to be told what not to do to relax. “Look at the rules placed on us: No smoking, No alcohol, No phone calls, No texting, No talking, No laughing, No expressing emotion ,No eating popcorn too loudly, No crinkling candy wrapper, No outside food/drink, No free refills, No making out in back row, No clapping, No illegal taping / photography, No placing chewed gum under seat. Our theatre will allow all of these so called “bad” habits in the name of fun, which is exactly what today’s theater’s desperately lack,” said Newbie.

The theater is rumored to be housed in the old Illusions building south of town. The theater staff will be comprised mostly of women and will be required to wear revealing outfits and flirt with patrons as they order concessions, take tickets and will provide the occasional lap dance. The grand opening is scheduled this fall.

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  1. Dave says:

    Sounds like an indoor version of the old drive-in theaters.

    It reminds me that I’m waiting for the annual Fall Dipsomania Fest in Old Downtown Springfield. This year the public will be allowed to stumble around outdoors with adult beverages in their hands and since they will be outdoors, there will be smoking and attempted cell phone use while wearing mardi gras beads. I haven’t heard whether they will allow public outdoor urinating.