Springfield, MO- According to a Bass Pro spokesman, Wonders of Wildlife should be completed be in November if their numerous Big Foot traps are successful. It is no surprise that a Big Foot exhibit would be a big a huge draw to Ozarkians. Wonders of Wildlife is making exhibit the main event.
“We are trying numerous tactics,” said Jack Henderson, a Bass Pro spokesman. “We have some boxes held up by a stick attacked to a piece of string. We also have some park rangers dress up like a sexy female Big Foot and have equipped them with a large, cartoon like mallet.”
Once they capture the Big Foot Wonders of Wildlife has big plans.
“First, we are going to chain the Sasquatch to a wall for a sideshow-like event for the media, then we are going to drive him mad with flash bulb photography, finally after escaping, he will go on a rampage through downtown ending with a showdown on top of Hammons Tower. It isn’t the best plan, but what are you going to do?” stated Henderson.
After the rampage, Bigfoot will be released into a Sasquatch Sanctuary.
“Go on, get out of here. We don’t love you anymore,” cried a tearful Wonders of Wildlife worker to Bigfoot as he sent him into the exhibit. “We shouldn’t have any more rampages,” states Cardland. “Of course we are going to use the Bigfoot to test a new Alzheimer’s drug… like that has ever caused a problem.”
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