Springfield Dentists to Decide What to Do With 3000 Pulled Teeth


Pile of 3000 teeth waiting to be used

Springfield, MO – After the free dental clinic this weekend local dentist have to decide what to do with nearly 3000 pulled teeth. The dentists are submitting ideas at their super-secret dentist meetings this Thursday in the basement of Richard’s Candy House (which they super secretly own to drum-up more business). The ideas range from the absurd to the grotesque, to the perfectly sensible and back to grotesque.


Ideas include; a fun ball pit filled with teeth; giving to wedding patrons to throw instead of rice; give it to tiny scrimshaw artists, and create a tooth powered car/speed boat.

“The debate got pretty heated, says Dr. Eugene Forester. “Of course we had to give the tooth fairy his cut. We don’t want to go against the family. My vote? Foxy tooth wrestling. It’s like mud wrestling, but with teeth instead of mud. And with glasses-wearing, tightly-wound, dentist assistants wearing nothing but lab coats.”

The teeth are now being stored in a Scrooge McDuck-like tower where the dentist have fun diving in, spitting teeth at each like it is water, and relaxing on an inner tube.

“We don’t know what we are going to do with it, but it will be awesome. I mean that’s why we did this whole thing in the first place,” states Forester.

The final decision will be made by the high council of dental elders: a super-secret syndicate of the best dentist from around the Ozarks, which means your 10 o’clock teeth cleaning appointment will be 15 minutes late.

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  1. Stephanie Harkless says:

    “Dentist Try”? Needs editing.

  2. FairCityNews.com says:

    Words are hard. thanks Steph!